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Thursday, December 29, 2005
Don't curse in front of the baby, and don't let him drink, either. Key quote: "The toddler also was taken to the hospital, where tests revealed he had a blood alcohol content of 0.094, the sheriff's office said. The legal limit for driving in New York state is .08."
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
I hope you're planning on pressing charges against that guy! I would! Hell, I wrote the Better Business Bureau over our electric company and won. BOOYAH!
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah!
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Dec 12, 2003 @12:07pm funny post by none other than Oh Bee Juan.

I love the archives!
The true meaning of Christmas according to Mad TV:

The Jews only had enough oil for one night so Jesus came to rescue with enough loaves of bread and fish to last for eight nights. Then Jesus' wife, Mrs. Clause, hid all of those easter eggs.

It's funny because its blasphemous.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Why The Internet Is Great.

There's something for everyone.

(Stolen from Dave Barry...sorry.)
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Also, in Jelani's honor, a website to enjoy:

Today, JB is graduating from law school. Yes, he is one step closer to representing this great nation's justice system, preserving law and order, fighting for truth, justice, and the American way.

And, hopefully, getting paid enough to come home more than once a year.

Congratulations, Jelani. We'll have an extra drink (or two) in your honor today.
...and now I take my first libation of twenty year old Jim Beam - the genesis of a long, remarkably forgotten day.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
UPDATE UPDATE: Looks like the guy DOES have insurance. It's not the company that he originally told the officer he was insured by, though. I'm skeptical. It's another "nonstandard" company for high-risk drivers...d'oh. He called the officer and asked her to give me the agent's name and the claim number, and asked her to relay the message that they're going to take care of it, and really, he didn't see me, and he left because he didn't know where I was. Or something. The officer just relayed the message, she said, because she told him that she would.

How do you rearend someone and not see them? And how do they follow you, beeping the horn, and you not see them? Why would he even say that - or relay that message to me? Was he just saying it to her, really, under the guise of relaying the message to me, to try to convince her not to bring charges?

Wednesday, December 14, 2005
UPDATE: Thanks to the internet and the wonders of public records, here's the jerk's traffic record:

Court Date Charge Type Result
04/28/00 SPEEDING 74/55 Infraction Prepaid
04/28/00 DRIVE SUSPENDED Misdemeanor Guilty
04/28/00 FAIL TO APPEAR/SUSP Capias Guilty
04/06/01 Civil Plaintiff: COMMONWEALTH OF VIRG Civil Other Judgment
01/04/01 SUSPENDED OL Misdemeanor Guilty
01/04/01 SPEEDING 41/25 Infraction Dismissed
06/26/01 DRIV UNDER REVO/SUSP Misdemeanor Appealed
06/26/01 SPEEDING 41/25 Infraction Nolle Prosequi
03/12/03 PUBLIC SWEARING/INTOXICATION Misdemeanor Dismissed
01/27/03 SPEEDING 59/45 Infraction Guilty
01/27/03 SEAT BELT VIOLATION Infraction Guilty

Yet to Come:
2006: Hit and Run!
I'm glad I don't live in Brazil, since they wouldn't allow me to die there. From the article:

Mayor Roberto Pereira da Silva's proposal to the Town Council asks residents to "take good care of your health in order not to die" and warns that "infractors will be held responsible for their acts."

I suppose the penalty would likely be death without parole.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005
UPDATE: The jerk's insurance lapsed in July!
Sunday, December 11, 2005
For those of you who didn't hear, on November 23rd John and I were rear-ended on the way to work. The woman's insurance paid for the damage and for the rental car, but it was kind of a pain in neck (literally and figuratively). We finally got our car back, fixed, last Friday (a week ago). Since the accident, John and I have both been a little paranoid - you know, looking in the rearview mirror at every stoplight, cringing at every near accident. But we talked about it - I mean, really, what are the chances of getting hit twice in a short period of time?

Tonight, God gave us our answer: 100%.

Yes, that's right, we were rear-ended. Again. But this guy was not so nice as to stop, ask if we were okay, check the damage, call the police, exchange information, etc. Nope. Not this guy. He decided his best course of action would be to drive off.

But we got his plate.
Friday, December 09, 2005
Quit My Job!

Start new one Jan. 9th at Business Objects.
Merry Chrismakwanukkah to me!
Thursday, December 08, 2005
I wanted to share something that I thought was funny. Well, we laughed at work. This was a conversation (over email) between Lashawn and me.
Was thinking about making a pot of chili for dinner tomorrow...what do you think?

Tomorrow is Friday, the sixth day of the week where God created things with the intention of resting on the seventh day most commonly known as Saturday or to the Jews as the Sabbath or "Ha Shabbat", the queen of all Jewish Holydays second only to Yom Kippur, which means Day of Atonement, a day in which Jews repent for all of their sins and attempt to get their lives right with God, the same God that rested on the seventh day, but created things on the sixth day most commonly known as Friday, which happens to be tomorrow.

I am still not sure what's for dinner tomorrow.
Sunday, December 04, 2005
On 17 December in the year of our lord 2005 at 1500 hours, I will commence to participate in my commencement to celebrate my completion of my legal education. The commencement of my illegal education is later. Sorry - love machine came on and I had to a love machine. In any event, upon termination of my legal education, nay, my education in chief, I will embark on a journey where studying, crying, praying, drinking, and possible dying and resurrecting will comprise my ultimate preparation to take the only test that will, does and has mattered in my life also known as the [insert your favorite state here] Bar Exam. My only request is that all of you who read this blog should take a shot of your favorite fire juice or my favorite fire juice (tequila) at or about 3pm on 17 December 2005 - even if you don't, I will. Unlike college, but hopefully like the bar exam, I will only graduate from law school once, so this is truly a once in a life time event. Finally, in conclusion of my final thought as I leave you...
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
So, here's where I admit that my vocabulary is, apparently, not what I thought it was. In studying for the GREs, I've come across a number of words that I didn't know, such as (don't worry, I know them now):


And I learned another one today that I should've known: hematoma. Now, I knew it was some condition that had to do with blood, that it was a thing that you got when something went wrong, but actually never knew exactly what it was. Now I know: it's when you go to give blood and they mess up and make your arm hurt A LOT.

Now you know, too.
Monday, November 14, 2005
Just a quick PSA:
Deep Discount DVD is having a wonderful 20% off (their already low low prices) sale
just use code SUPERSALE and try your best not to spend your entire paycheck.
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Wow. No matter how much of a dork I am, at least I never spent $100,000 on a "virtual space station."

Repeat after me: I will not pay real money for things that aren't real. I will not pay real money for things that aren't real. I will not pay real money for things that aren't real...
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
There's no limit to the blasphemy and curses that I want to scream. Can I fix something without something else breaking or some other idiotic Microsoft "feature" not being uncovered in an untimely manner and not to my advantage?

AW hell.
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Yesterday was my nephew's first Halloween!

Monday, October 31, 2005
Happy Birthday, Genevieve!
Surprise, surprise: Bush nominated a conservative white guy.
Friday, October 28, 2005
Libby Indicted
Here's a good reason to keep a collar and tags on your cat.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
So, last week there was this article, predicting that Miers would withdraw to "protect executive privilege" - in fact, the only graceful way out of the mess that was her nomination.

Today, we learn that - surprise! - Miers has withdrawn her name, to protect executive privilege. How sweet of her.

Now, here's my question - and I'd love if everyone would answer it by way of commenting - do you think:

A) Bush was just completely blind to all of the problems in nominating Miers, and really did think she'd get confirmed,
2) The administration was setting us up with an awful nomination, so that whoever he nominates next will seem reasonable by comparison,
iii) The administration was attempting to distract us from Iraq, Katrina, Karl Rove, etc, by nominating someone and creating a little controversy before they withdraw her name,
D) They had an idea she might not get confirmed, but had conservatives protest that "we don't know enough about her" so that the Democrats might think she was actually more moderate than she is and maybe confirm her, OR
5) Other: Please explain. Preferably in 5-paragraph essay format.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
For some reason, I have two accounts with Friendster. Oh I know, I forgot the first, made the second, remembered the first, and neglected them both. In any event, I have now made friends with myself (pause) (reflect) (snicker) and decided to get a joint horoscope. This is what it said:

You and Jelani have smooth sailing ahead.
In great orchestras, every musician knows their part and how it contributes to the overall sound. Even if you're not a virtuoso violist and your friend can barely tap out a tune, you'd both do well to take heed of this example right now. The two of you are indispensable players when it comes to something that has important meaning in your lives. The trick is to figure out how exactly you can maximize the beautiful impact you will have without tooting your own horns.

All together now, "HUH?"
We definitely won't be doing this at Davis's first birthday party.
Friday, October 21, 2005
If I could change the world...

1. Electoral candidates may no longer say anything about their opponent. Their statements are usually false or exaggerated - and it makes sense - so it's no longer allowed. In fact, no political group can say anything bad about a candidate. They can advance their own candidate, but if there's anything bad to be said about a candidate, the media can do it independently.

2. Everyone must get a license to have children. If you don't get a license and get pregnant or get someone pregnant, you must immediately apply for a license and take the test. If you fail, your child will be removed and placed with competent, licensed parents. The test would include such questions as: Is it ok to leave your child alone in the car? Do children need food? Is it ok to hit your children? Is it ok to make your children sleep in cages? Is it ok to drop your children off a pier? ...and really shouldn't be that difficult.

3. After the age of 70, you must retake the driver's test every other year to keep your license. The whole thing - written, behind-the-wheel, vision, all of it. Look, you're 70, you can find a free day to take the test.

4. New initiative: all homeless people will be picked up and either sent to a treatment facility or taught a skill applicable to building houses: electric work, plumbing, hitting a nail with a hammer, etc. They will then be set to work building houses for homeless people. It all works itself out. This applies even to the tattoo-covered, pierced, able-bodied teenagers standing in the median in front of Wal-Mart.

5. New tax laws: If your household makes under 25k, you pay no taxes. Up to 50k, you pay 5%. Up to 100k, you pay 10%. Up to 150k, you pay 15%. Up to 200k, you pay 20%. Over 200k, you pay 25%. Everyone fills out an EZ. No deductions. No write-offs. No credits. No loopholes. Sorry. Just pay your darn taxes so we can have decent schools, and pay for my homeless initiative.
Ok, aside from politics, aside from everything, I have compared the two candidate's websites. There are a number of important differences, but here's the kicker for me: I would not vote for Kilgore for the following reason:

Read the last paragraph:
Kilgore, 44, is a partner with the Richmond-based law firm of Williams Mullen and is married to a former public school teacher, Marty Kilgore. She served as Deputy Secretary of the Commonwealth under Governor Gilmore and as Executive Director of the Tobacco Settlement Foundation. The Kilgore's have two young children, Klarke and Kelsey.

...Not only did they misuse an apostrophe, but they named their son KLARKE? Are you kidding me? I wonder if the other kid's name is pronounced "Chelsea."

Say, "Cheese!"
Bored? Need something to do? Click here and fill out the form - all you have to provide is your name and email address - and report that you are offended by the VA license plate "BEOTCH" on a red BMW in the Charlottesville area.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Read this. And this, if you feel like it. She's an idiot. She writes at something resembling a 10th grade level, doesn't answer any of the questions, and leaves a lot of stuff out. For example, in response to:

27. Please describe your experience in the entire judicial selection process, from beginning to end (including circumstances which led to your nomination and the interviews in which you participated). List all interviews or communications you had with anyone in the Executive Office of the President or the Justice Department regarding this nomination, or any other judicial nomination for which you were considered, the dates of such interviews and communications, and all persons present or participating in such interviews or communications.

She responds with two shorts paragraphs that list two people she talked two, and four dates. She actually avoids names ("I was asked about..." and "individuals") and what she (ever so briefly) describes can't POSSIBLY be her "experience in the entire judicial selection process." No wonder the senators - even the Republicans - aren't quite satisfied with her answers.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
The primary problem with the theory of evolution is that it cannot adequately explain 100% of current scientific observations. The primary problem facing intelligent design is that it cannot rightly be called a scientific theory. The central tenet of the ID argument is that the universe is the way that it appears to us because some entity, possessed of a measure of intelligence and incredible power, caused it to be that way on purpose. This argument cannot be called a theory because it makes no testable predictions. Even if it were proven to be true (which isn't possible, since proof implies a testable proposition), what good would that do? We'd still have to turn to the scientific method to discern the fundamental laws behind what we observe to be true. In other words, even if God created the universe, gravity still exists. If God created gravity, he must have created it with certain aspects which could only have been determined through scientific approaches.
Incidentally, it is on this same basis that many scientists dismiss string theory.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Are you kidding me?

Read these. Particularly, read the one on page 2 from Bush (if you can - he has awful handwriting). Read the P.S. If you don't know the word, go look it up. And say it with me: "Huh?"
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
How To Add 10-15 Seconds To Your Trivia Time:

Get questions like this:
My first is in fish but not in snail. My second is in rabbit but not in tail. My third is in up but not in down. My fourth is in tiara but not in crown. My fifth is in tree you plainly see. My whole a food for you and me. What Am I?

Oh, and have internet problems, so that when you click submit the first time, you get this:

Bad Request
Your browser sent a request that this server could not understand.

Stupid server.
I'm a cynic. Read this article. I don't believe a word of it.

How convenient that just as most Americans are starting to think we should pull out of Iraq, a letter from the al-Qaeda #2 guy (haven't we killed him like 4 times?) surfaces saying that that's exactly what they want us to do, and they hope we do it soon.

I'm also starting to think that the conservatives are pulling a Brer Rabbit on us with the whole Harriet Miers thing.
Saturday, October 08, 2005
Friday, September 30, 2005
This article is great.

"We should recognize that what God really wants is for us just to stop learning."
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Happy Birthday, JB!

So, what are you now, like, 40?
Wednesday, September 28, 2005

I just created this LONG post about this:
At least 31 states are taking steps to teach alternatives to evolution. A CBS poll last November found 65 percent of Americans favor teaching creationism as well as evolution while 37 percent want creationism taught instead of evolution.

Fifty-five percent of Americans believe God created humans in their present form, the poll found.
And it's GONE. Blogger asked me to log in again, but didn't actually publish my post, and now it's GONE. GONE. And I don't have the patience to retype it all. Suffice it to say, I'm pissed.
Friday, September 16, 2005
Yeah, actually, the country is founded based on protecting the rights of the minority. I think James Madison said something about that in the Federalist Papers... And schools do not prevent discussion/arguments on religious topics, but the idea is, you can't FORCE someone to be subjected to a government sponsored/encouraged religion, which the pledge does. (The last time I checked, who discusses the pledge, anyway? Don't we just recite it like a bunch of retarded lemmings?) Anyway, the whole argument is retarded because that crap wasn't even added until 1954, so why not just tell Ike, Communism is over, we're not fighting "godless people" anymore.
Yes. We're a republic, not a democracy. You can't force the teacher (an adult who has been left out of your discussion) to recite a religious pledge.

/End Argument
Yes, these are children, who don't understand the difference between symbolic action and genuine faithful observance of religion. Thanks to the ruling, there's no chance that 9 western states will be able to teach those children how to tell the difference. We've swung to such an anti-religious extreme in this country that it's no longer politically correct to have substantive discussions about religious differences in public school. I find it pathetic that in a country which values freedom of speech and of religion that we would rather banish all traces of religion from our schools than teach students how to talk to each other about it. Shouldn't we be encouraging debate, not preventing the possibility of debate? Must we ask teachers, administrators, and even students to leave at home essential portions of themselves when they leave for school in the morning? Call me crazy, but that just seems un-American to me.

The first amendment prevents Congress from establishing a religion, but it also prevents Congress from preventing its free exercise. That same amendment also protects freedoms of speech, assembly, and petition. It does not say that any one of these rights is more important than the others. Does it make sense to resolve an apparent conflict of these freedoms to the satisfaction of a tiny minority of people, at the expense of the overwhelming majority?

Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Hm...not sure I agree with you, Scott. These are children we're talking about - can't trust that they understand the difference. And since reciting the pledge is mandatory (or is perceived by the student to be mandatory), I don't think the "under God" phrase should be in there. Seems like a pretty clear violation of the establishment clause. It's sort of the same reason that teachers in public schools can't teach religion in a mandatory course (and why "intelligent design" should NOT be taught in school) - they're an authority and a representative of the government, and school is mandatory - so you can't preach.

And really - how hard would it be to remove the words "under God"? Not hard. It flows just as well if you say "and to the republic for which it stands, one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."
You've got to be kidding me. This decision basically says that your freedom to express yourself ends as soon as anyone else is within range of hearing, lest you offend them. Any reasonable person can make a distinction between a genuine expression of religious faith and a symbolic expression of unity with one's fellow citizens. Those who cannot understand that should learn the difference (and we should be able to teach it in schools).
Just for the record, I think that we managed to surprise Scott at his surprise party.

I am now and officially certified PiMP. (Project Management Professional)
Monday, September 12, 2005
I have successfully completed the first step in my transformation into a lawyer....and possibly an, just a lawyer.
I got a 91 out of 150 on the Multistate Professional Responsibility Exam (MPRE). In Florida, you need an 80. My score, though not fantastic, is passing and that is all that matters.

Needless to say, I must drink.
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Working 30 hours in a row is a blast!
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
RIP Gilligan
Friday, September 02, 2005
Reasons they call marriage an institution:
1. Getting into it requires commitment, and usually some paperwork.
2. Getting out requires professional help and can be very costly.
3. The longer you're in it, the more likely you are to stay.
4. You don't have to be insane to make it work while you're there, but it helps.
Saturday, August 27, 2005
Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the institution of marriage.
Friday, August 26, 2005
Thursday, August 25, 2005
My weeds are also growing out of control.

You don't want a dog.

The only thing worse than a dog is three dogs, which is what I've been taking care of since I've been back.

I have to feed each one separately and they all eat different things. It's the most annoying thing ever. It's like a logic puzzle every morning. Did I mention I only have two bowls but three dogs?

Last night and this morning they ALL shit all over the house. It smells terrible. Did I have time to clean it up this morning? No. So what's going to greet me when I get home from my shitty work at 9pm again? Huge piles of dog shit.

Finally he posts...Of course, I'm posting out of anger.

1. My job is extremely stressful.
2. I am of questionable health.
3. People should really stop using checks at grocery stores. I want to strike them.
4. My job is extremely unrewarding.
5. I ache.
6. People wait for my light to change before crossing against the sign.
7. Tenants change locks without permission.
8. My weeds are growing out of control.
9. No dog, no 530i.
10. Dubya is still the president.
11. Being morally correct means controlling people, but not helping them.
12. Traffic.
13. I am NOT the Supreme Ruler of the Universe.
14. Walmart.
15. Someone else is getting these "increased salaries" that are being mentioned when they talk about housing prices.
16. It's in my nature not to complete projects.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Ciggarettes can cause cancer, which can kill you.

Alchohol can cause cirrhosis of the liver, which can kill you, but it makes for a wonderful pair of beer/alchohol/wine goggles and the rhythmically challenge deserving of dancer roles in the new Breakin' Movie.

Prostitution can cause an STD, GSW or Stab wound, which can kill you or hurt like hell for a very long time, but you get off.

Marijuana can cause cancer, which can kill you, but it is so much fun, who cares.

Riding a motorcycle can only kill you if you fatally crash your motorcycle into, say, a wall, car, another motorcycle, you become a victim of over-correction, or God decides to squish you with his finger. Otherwise, the chances of dying in a motorcycle accident parallels the chances of dying in a car accident. If the car in question was an SUV and you were on the motorcycle, your chances are dipped in your disfavor. Likewise, if the car in question was a Pinto, your chances are dipped in your disfavor, but with the added bonus of a great ball of fire.

Pornography has not killed anyone. Sure, it has caused some chaffing, a little carpal tunnel and an emabarassing couple of dinners with your girlfriend's parents, but death, however, no.

I say smoke, drink, snort, wack, ride, pop, shoot, inject, oggle, watch, eat and do whatever makes you feel good becuase none of these options are available in neither heaven or hell.

Always a twisted thought away,
The Urban Legend
Don't pick on my son. He'll get a full head of hair when he gets a full head of hair.

Let's not let this blog degenerate into a my-kid-is-cuter-than-your-kid contest, especially since it's clear my kid is the cutest. There's just no point in arguing.

Google image search: ugly baby

For lack of a better segue, I think we should agree now to avoid statements of the form, "Does your (son | daughter | nephew | [relation]) [insert ability or indication of developmental milestone here] yet?" Examples of forbidden questions abound, but here are a few:
Does your son have hair yet? (as noted above)
Does your daughter pee in a toilet yet?
Does your nephew walk yet?
Does your son/daughter/cousin/brother/sister/niece/nephew love Jesus yet? (this one really ticks me off)
Friday, August 19, 2005
He is very adorable, but hey - - - when is he gonna get some hair? Not that I can really speak as Jeffrey has none of his own either.

And since we're showing off...

Those are my two babies.
Thursday, August 18, 2005

I just had to put this picture of my nephew up - I just noticed that Blogger made it easy to post photos. Isn't he adorable?
Bush will 'go on with life'

Defends refusal to meet protester
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Cox News Service

CRAWFORD, Texas - President Bush, noting that lots of people want to talk to the president and "it's also important for me to go on with my life," on Saturday defended his decision not to meet with the grieving mom of a soldier killed in Iraq.

Bush said he is aware of the anti-war sentiments of Cindy Sheehan and others who have joined her protest near the Bush ranch.

"But whether it be here or in Washington or anywhere else, there's somebody who has got something to say to the president, that's part of the job," Bush said on the ranch. "And I think it's important for me to be thoughtful and sensitive to those who have got something to say."

"But," he added, "I think it's also important for me to go on with my life, to keep a balanced life."
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
So, seeing as how the blog has...well...withered, I thought I'd try to inspire some lively debate. Anyone who'd like to pose a question, take a poll, etc, is welcome to do so, but let me start with this:

Cigarettes, pornography, and alcohol are legal. Marijuana, prostitution, and riding a motorcycle without a helmet are not. Does this make any sense at all?
Thursday, August 11, 2005
BOO! False Alarm.
YAY! The old blog is back!
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Ha ha ha ha ha if no one can get to trivia, I win!

On behalf of my husband, let me apologize for screwing up the blog template...

It IS pretty, though...

-Mrs. B
How do I get to trivia? How do I know who published a certain comment? How do I know if he really loves me? I say a prayer with every heartbeat. When do I get my blog back? Astardsbay!
What the hell happened to the Blog! Astardsbay!
Oooh! An all-new crappy template, complete with annoying animation!
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
For those of you who wanted for view the ACLU memo but didn't get to see it before they took it down: click here.
Monday, August 01, 2005
On behalf of the ACLU, I'd like to say: Oops.
Friday, July 22, 2005
Uh...solo synchronized swimming? Huh?
Thursday, July 21, 2005
This is fun. I think I can beat all of you :)
I finally found the link to this review of the opera my sister was in at the Aspen Music Festival in Denver, CO, this summer.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Happy Birthday, Margaret!
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Fifteen minutes of fame for Genevieve.
Monday, July 18, 2005
I'm not sure if I was supposed to see that at work. oops!
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Why The World Needs Men

To try things out for us.
Saturday, June 25, 2005
For the record, I love appliances that are dressed in white. Further, if the appliance, dressed in white, can do the things that a woman can do, then I'LL TAKE IT!
Friday, June 24, 2005
Ahhh, I love it when irony kills.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Although true that the Formula One guy should be eradicated from humankind, he did describe the perfect woman for JB!
Wow. The Formula One boss needs to be fired. That's pretty much all there is.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Ex-Klansman found guilty of manslaughter in �64 slayings - Crime & Punishment -

You can ignore the entire story except for the last paragraph on page 2. This is possibly the most ignorant statement I've ever seen.

Monday, June 20, 2005
John and I have now successfully been on The Diet for a week.

For the record, I've gained a pound and a half.
Friday, June 17, 2005
Sometimes, animal cruelty is funny.
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Come on people, get a room. - Sanitation problems for climbers - Jun 16, 2005
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Things I have learned interning with the Navy:
1. Melingering - intentionally and willfully faking a mental illness for whatever reason

2. Consentual Sodomy - By unwed persons, penetration of the female sexual organ with another's tongue, finger, or any other body part or article used for penetration except the male sexual organ, insertion of the male sexual organ into another's mouth, penetration of the anus with tongue, finger, male sexual organ, or any other body part or article used for penetration with full and knowlegeable consent of all parties involved.

Both of these are crimes in the military. Interesting.....
Saturday, June 11, 2005
As the resident Thinking Minority member in Florida, you all (you and John or you and Margaret) were supposed to call me so I could meet you all in Orlando - you have upset the Florida contingent of the Thinking Minority. In any event, it is Hurricane Season (the caps are deserved) and you should expect rain anytime, not to mention at 3pm every day. I hope you all enjoyed your conference. Since this is the closest you all would ever come to visiting me in Jacksonville, I am glad you all had a good time visiting me. Enjoy the rain!
Friday, June 10, 2005
One more thing: Has anyone else seen this commercial, where the jingle (repeated several times during the 15 seconds) is "You bet your sweet Aspercream"? All wrong.
Pretty typical. We finally take a trip to Florida and a tropical storm shows up. Last year the first named storm didn't happen until August 1.

So John and I are having the Great Debate - do we try to do Disney today, tomorrow, or save our free tickets for another time? They're good through the end of 2006. On the one hand, we could save the tickets for a day when we can spend the entire day, and it's not raining. On the other hand, so what if we don't get a whole day and it rains while we're there? The tickets were free. We welcome any input from the Thinking Minorities.

At least we got to do Universal Studios. The park was closed and only conference members and their guests could enter. All of the food and drinks were free, and the lines were pretty short (I'd say about 15 minutes on average - as opposed to HOURS) - basically, it was how a theme park SHOULD be.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Woohoo! I'm in Orlando! Flight was fine (on time, even), although - despite there being a lot of entirely empty rows on the plane, my (window) seat was next to two other people. An elderly couple, and the husband wanted to talk. Nice guy and all, but while the pilot was talking I got very engrossed in my book. I swear, his wife was rolling her eyes at him...

No mishaps to report - landed at 11:37PM (11 minutes early). They didn't lose my luggage; in fact, my suitcase was the third one to come out on the belt.

John picked me up in a very nice convertible and by the time we got back to the hotel my hair was a bees' nest. We went to bed and got up about 5 hours later to do a timeshare presentation. Fun! Actually, surprisingly enough, they were really low pressure - we got to the end, said no, and they let us leave. If we ever do buy a timeshare, it'll probably be here. AND, to top it off, we got free Disney tickets. Excellent.

That's all I have to report so far. John has been negligent with his Orlando blogging, so I'll try to make up for it. Oh, one more thing -

Orlando is HOT. And muggy. Walking feels like swimming. Or something.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
I'm sitting in the hotel watching the Arnold TV-movie. Maybe Californians just got swept up in the moment? Who knows?
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Charlottesville is hot - I'm sure not quite as hot, but hot. It's also not nearly as fun. Hard choice, but I think I'd pick Orlando today. Especially if I could leave the kids in Charlottesville. That sounds really weird - "kids". OK I'm rambling. Maybe I should try to sleep. Wait I've got 2 children at home, sleep what's that.

Enjoy Orlando for me.
Monday, June 06, 2005
Orlando is hot. Very hot. Fun though.
Friday, June 03, 2005
Congrats Margaret. What a way to show up the others in your first few weeks of work. Keep at it and you might even reach halfway through S.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Ladies and Gentlemen:

I have been given the letter R.
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring....

Very professional.
Friday, May 27, 2005
After a wondermous two-week vacation that included stops in Kennebunk and Kennebunkport, Maine (yes two separately joined cities), Plymouth, New Hampshire, Boston, Cambridge and Somerset, Mass. (forgot how to spell that state), Baltimore, Maryland, Random Places in Northern Virginia, and Charlottesville, Virginia I am ready for a few days of rest and sobriety. However, that will not happen because I failed my first class ever in life - Criminal Procedure. That's right. An "F." An "O say can you see" the big F-ing "F!" Naturally, we celebrated my new academic low with a game of drink-every-time-the-drill-sergeant-cursed-in-full-metal-jacket. Ten beers in 45 minutes later, I randomly called many people. If I called you - I'm sorry (insert pouty sad face here). Then I had a three hour long conversation with my ex-girlfriend most of which I do not remember, but I am sure she will.

I called the professor and discovered that I used the wrong student grading number and so he failed the correct number given him by the registrar. He said my grade will definitely change and at this point, any other grade will be an improvement.

I also discovered that I have many things planned for this wedding/memorial day weekend. We, the wedding partiers, have been challenged to top and $3800 open bar tab to which I responded, "YES! I ACCEPT!"

I also learned that my externship starts next week (June 1st), however no one knows where I am assigned or who I am to report to either. This will undoubtedly make for an interesting first day. So, if you hear about a man in a suit that was shot by the navy because he was wondering aimlessly around their base and mumbling words like, "I'm an extern" and "So is your old man!", then you can be proud in knowing that you know me and then saddened by the same fact.

So to all of those who bed me, fed me, drank with me, undressed me (with or without your hands or eyes), listened to me, talked to me, talked at me, laughed at me, yelled obscenities with me, danced with me (big gay dance party participants), porned me, sang with me, counseled me, pointed at me, waved at me, drove me, flew me, walked me and said nice things to me when I bumped my bead on the bottom step - a big fat THANX!
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Actually, here are the pics.

Why did it take me so long to post this? I've been meaning to since...well, since Meghan posted. But I am too lazy to go to my email, find the email with the photo link, copy it, and then go to and enter my username and password, apparently. Which may also be why I don't post that much in the first place. Sorry.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
For those of you who have not met the newest "member" of the Blog, here are some pictures of little Jeffrey Anderson - or as Mr. Baxton insists on calling him -- Jefe.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005
OK - in the past two nights I think I've gotten a total of about 5 hours of sleep. That's not consecutive either. It seems that Jeffrey thinks he's supposed to sleep all day and stay up all night. In my sleep deprived state I have not given him a proper introduction to the Blog (although I thought about it at 3 AM last night). Thanks John for giving everyone the lowdown on Jeff's arrival. I'm going to try and sleep a few minutes now - wait Erin needs something. Well maybe not.
I would like to welcome our newest blog member, Jeffrey Anderson Wallace or "Jefe". I'm sure that for at least the next few years he'll keep up his parents' tradition of ignoring the blog. In any case, it's been a big month of extractions, some exciting and some not so great.
Monday, May 09, 2005
What the Fuck. I'm reading fark and happen upon a picture of John!?!?

search for ExSharky.

John, pictures of you and your maxipad are making their way around the internet!
Friday, May 06, 2005
So, today was my last day at Kaplan. It was a little emotional - I wasn't leaving because I hated the job or anything, and my manager has become a good friend. The new job is going to be great, and I'm still going to hang out with Katie, but still - I really liked the job (and the power I had in that office), so leaving it was a little emotional.

(I have a feeling any men reading this are going "Huh?" and any women reading this might have a clue what I'm talking about.)

Anyway, so the drive home was crappy. Bad traffic, stopped at every light, some weird accident at Hydraulic Rd or something. Finally got home, carrying all of my office possessions, exhausted, and needing a drink. Got upstairs, said hello to my husband, and his reply was... "Hmph."

He is having some complications with his wisdom teeth removal. He thinks it's dry sockets or sinus related complications or something. It's a decidedly "Blech" day in the Baxton household.

Thank God It's Friday.
Thursday, May 05, 2005
It's 5:30 AM. I have a cold of some sort. My throat hurts. I'm wearing a maxipad around my head. I'm going to work this morning. I haven't properly brushed my teeth in 2 days.
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
1. Why is John wearing a Maxi Pad?

2. Completely unrelated to number one, I have read many constitutional arguments in my three years in law school and, I must say, I have come across a truly lovely statement on constitutional law.

It has long since become an established rule of constitutional law in these United States that power and discretion, however exerted, and by whomsoever exercised, must be used in such a manner not to infringe upon or impair the fundamental rights of life, liberty, property, and the pursuit of happiness. The very idea that one man may be compelled to hold his life, business, property, means of living, or any material thing essential to his enjoyment of life, at the mere will of another, is intolerable to any country where freedom prevails, and is the very essence of slavery itself.

Yick Wo v. Hopkins 118 U.S. 356

3. It is only sad because I see myself leaving myself in that these are the things that excite me.
I'm really hating blogger this week. I tried for 20 minutes to use their little thingy to post pictures, but it didn't work. Parental Guidance Advised.

The naked tuth:

Last night sucked.

It's interesting that JB called it [below] a maxipad because it is now...well...bloody. I spent half of last night awake salivating and since I couldn't swallow while sleeping, I was either drooling or spitting. To top it all off, the doctor's office gave us a call at 8:15 to see how I was doing. While I appreciate this call, Margaret didn't. Apparently they missed the memo.

At about 2:15 I found myself in front of Alderman Library. As usual, it was "unexpectedly" crowded. A good time was had by all. This event was followed by beers at Baja Bean.

I can't drink.

...and I'm beginning to swell.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005
This morning I prayed. Yes, prayed. A strange man and two strange women were pricking me with a needle, struggling to find the right place to prick.

Luckily, I woke up.

Here I am now, praying that my wife's agonizing experience with her wisdom teeth removal recovery will somehow allow me to be excused from things like separation from solid food, hellish oral agony, and of course, dry sockets. The first wish has already escaped me.

I'll be back tomorrow with an update on my status.

Crap, I just realized that there's an apple pie in my fridge and ice cream in my freezer. Depression has set in.
JB, your post was so full of grammatical mistakes and misspellings that I thought maybe you were just trying to entice me to post, just to correct you. Then I thought maybe you were drinking while typing. Then I thought maybe I was just a jerk for even noticing and wanting to correct you. Then I thought that since you know about my little disability, my first thought was probably correct, and you were just provoking me. But then I thought that since I know you pretty well, my second thought was probably correct. Then I got confused.

JB will be here soon!
My brain hurts.
Ladies, Gentlemen, Bloggers!

We have cycled around to that time again. That time when I must, as your faithful, hardworking Maharaja, present The State of The Blog Address.

As the competition for Trivia Champion approaches it's boiling point, the interest in blogging approaches its freezing point. We as bloggers must fight our ADD tendencies. The grass is not greener. The pie is not sweeter. And that shiny things is really just the reflection of the sun on broken glass. Hear me, dare I say, and listen. Our precious blog is dying and only you can save it.

Trivia is a wonderful thing, but it is the blog that has gotten us here. Here to this trivial pursuit of academic prestige. I challenge each of you. To a dual, you say? No. To a pie eating contest, you say? No. To a race perhaps. No. I challenge each of your to blog. Throughout history, wars have been successful in stimulating economies and challenges have been successful in stimulating blogs (tradition has to start somewhere).

As I close, I leave you with one thing. BLOG!!!!

God bless you, these united States, and the omnipotent blog.

"..........................from sea to shining sea..................."
This blog is becomingstagnant.
Sunday, May 01, 2005
Duck Cheney has been moved to a secure, disclosed, off-site location.
Key quote: The duck acquired several nicknames from Treasury workers and other people passing by the building. Names included "Quacks Reform," "T-Bill" and "Duck Cheney."
I still prefer "Mr. Waddlesworth."
Thursday, April 28, 2005
You are Tater Tots. Go get your own!!

Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
You are LaFawnduh. Why are you so sweaty?

Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Which Napolean Dynamite Character Are You?

Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Okay, I never really cared for Deloitte & Touche LLP, but
this headline goes a bit over the top.

Monday, April 25, 2005
I am unemployed and it is pesach (passover). So, what do I do with my time? I drink and study for finals -haha hah hoho haha. There are only certain things that I can drink - with the leavening thing and all - so I chose tequila (ta kill ya). I went to a quint place in Jax to a Mexican restaurant that made its margaritas from fresh orange and lime juice and of course tequila.

I tell you this not to tell you that I am a Jewish alcoholic, but that I am an alcoholic celebrating a Jewish Holy day. In other words, DRINK! It feels great!

I love tequila because it is made from plants and not leavening.
Friday, April 22, 2005
See what happens when you spoil your children?
Pretty typical.

Today I actually knew some of the trivia questions - and was able to guess on others - and what happened? When I pressed "Submit my quiz," my computer crashed. When I realized ie wasn't coming back, I had to ctrl-alt-del and kill everything (I even had to kill Word), then restart ie, go back to the quiz, re-enter all of my answers, and submit it.

Sigh. I will never be the smartest player.
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Ok, one last "WTF?" from the triva - aside from the overwhelming amount of geography and ancient history in my quiz today (both of which I suck at), one of my questions today was:

Question 2
Hobbies : The Bachelor's Culinary Delights (Cooking and Baking)

What is the bachelor's greatest secret for cooking success?

Buy expensive cooking equipment
Get a girlfriend
Go to cooking school
Buy cookbooks

Is it just me, or is this question not based in any actual fact? The funniest answer is "get a girlfriend" but the truth could be to buy cookbooks or go to cooking school. WTF?
Yeah! And howcome I only got four right?!
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Oh, and
3. Why is it that Tyson and I got the same number of questions right, in the same amount of time, but he gets 8 points and I get 7? WTF?

1. thais0n + 8 pts 7 right 81 seconds 619 score
2. snickersbaxton + 7 pts 7 right 81 seconds 619 score

The trivia game is making me crazy, for two reasons:

1. What's with all the showtune questions? AAAAARRRRRGGGGGG.
and 2. What's with all the new pop-ups and ads now? I can't block them at work! AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGG!

Ok, that is all.
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
t r u t h o u t - William Rivers Pitt | The Theocrats: " Imagine this scenario: A bill is introduced in the House to require children to say the Lord's Prayer each morning in every American public school. Arguments in favor of American pluralism and freedom of (and from) religion fall on deaf ears. Thanks to the massive GOP majority in the House, the bill is passed and reaches the Senate, where outraged Democrats are powerless to stop it without the filibuster. It passes there, and is placed on the desk of Mr. Bush, who happily signs away yet another barrier separating the church and the state."
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Well, it's true. I had three job offers this week, and I'm going to accept the one for the least amount of money. Crazy, eh? I'll never be able to support John, or his habits.

On a different note, there's this article on about pharmacists refusing to fill birth control prescriptions. Check this out:
WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Reports of pharmacists with particular religious and moral beliefs denying prescriptions for birth control have prompted legislation that would ensure all prescriptions are filled.

House and Senate backers unveiled a bill dubbed the Access to Legal Pharmaceuticals Act (ALPhA) on Thursday.

It would allow a pharmacist to refuse to fill a prescription only if the prescription can be passed to and filled by a co-worker at the same pharmacy.

According to NARAL Pro-Choice America, a reproductive rights group, legislators in 10 states are considering bills that would permit pharmacists to refuse to fill birth control prescriptions. A federal law, if passed, would pre-empt any state law.

Yet some want additional legislation to protect pharmacists who believe certain birth control drugs are forms of abortion, Karen Brauer, president of Pharmacists for Life, told the Reuters news agency. The group provides legal advice and support to pharmacists.

Brauer told Reuters she believes doctors will eventually begin ordering women to abort disabled children, or refuse to treat them after birth.

"They'll force women to kill their children ... It will be like China. It's the next logical step," she told Reuters.

It's the next logical step? Forcing pharmacists to fill legal prescriptions...then...forcing women to kill their children?

They lost me somwhere in there.

I am no longer a teacher! Teaching children with learning disabilities was a greater task than I could have imagined. Therefore, I am unemployed, but on the payroll until the next school year starts. In other words, I have a lot of free time and will be traveling extensively after my exams end (second week in May).

My wife is well on her way to supporting me. She has had not one, but three job offers this week. Yes, I am a bit jealous. I've only had one job offer in the last three years. Ah, the freedom to choose.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Internets do good job. Sadly, "all your base are belong to us" does not pass through the grammar checker properly, but "All your Gates is belong to us" works just fine.
Monday, April 11, 2005
I've eaten at King's Buffet once. But if I had known the workers were violating Loudoun County zoning ordinances, I might have (briefly) considered going somewhere else.
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Hm...seems like everyone has been ducking Daddy Z's challenge.
Saturday, April 09, 2005
Two things:
1. 14 people played trivia today.
2. who the hell played under my name?

I went to play today and to my surprise I had already played. In fact, I had to log in which I haven't had to do since I joined the site. So I ask again, Who played under my name?
Friday, April 08, 2005
I swear, I'm not making this up. I propose a contest to see who can come up with the best name for the duck.
Thanks for the birthday wishes guys! I got a bath robe, slippers, and pajamas for my birthday! I am OLD!
Colossal error in judgment: that's what you call filing a story on Friday to appear Sunday about events on Saturday.
Smitty is older! Yay! Birthdays are happy.
Thursday, April 07, 2005
Happy Birthday Smitty.
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
I know my splits don't make any sense. That is why I was so shocked. My knees were a little stiff in the beginning, but I was not expecting such a drop in time. Had I run the whole race like I ran the last mile, I would have been in the top ten.
Monday, April 04, 2005
Your 5K splits make no sense unless you were running like that on purpose.
Sunday, April 03, 2005
Today, for the first time since, well, let's say it's been a while, I decided to run a 5k. A local celebration of Blues Music 5k. Here are my times:

Mile 1. 11:27
Mile 2. 9:13
Mile 3. 6:02
Total . 27:42.49

I argued the impossibility of those times with the timer and the computer, but the man (of at least 50) said, "You know, you never lose the mental ability, but you DO lose the knees and the lung capacity." Then he chuckled and said, "At least by the third mile, you remembered that it was a race." Realizing that I am falling apart at the knees, I turned hobbled to my car and drove the bar. I never knew cold beer could taste so good!

I miss my youthful knees. I love that I am old enough to drink.
Friday, April 01, 2005
Trick question!!!!!

Q. In what country did the civil war take place?
MY Answer: The United States
Correct Answer: Not Enough Information.

Sounds suspiciously like a trick I pull on my students.

The blog has a spell checker! Has anyone red the poem, "Eye Halve A Spell Checker?"
Hall of Fame!
Hall of Fame!
I'm in the Hall of FAME!!!

Jeez finally,

Mar 05

12 players played during the month.

1. Bobo (162 points, 6 wins)

but Margaret - you beat me on points per game and really if you played more than 24 times in a 31 day month you would have beaten me, not more silly posts about having the low score of the day. Your average beat everyone!
In other completely unrelated news: Fiona Apple's shelved album has found it's way on the internet. And there was much rejoicing.
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
This turned out not to be nearly as dramatic as the main headline implied. Bit of an overdramatization, I think.
Welcome back, Jelani! Now, stop playing trivia!
Correction: I am Poopsie Toilet Brains
First: I am Poopie Toiletbrains.
Second: I am back from San Diego and Springbreak.
Third: Jetlag sucks!
Fourth: I have spent way too many classes discussing Terri Schiavo. I am sorry for both sides because, for all we know, Terri probably doesn't like this much attention. Further, I witnessed an 18-year old catholic girl argue Terri's case and how Terri could have "one brain wave" with a man who will receive his Ph.D in Biophysics in three weeks. Therefore, I have no opinion - sorry Margaret. However, in saying I have no opinion, I will state what I know. Florida law makes Terri's life's decisions the responsibility of her husband and vice versa. That is why the parents have lost every court battle that they have mounted - yet they continue to try.

Fifth and final: I have not played trivia in a while. I should get on that.

I still love cookies.
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
An important, urgent correction from Gene's chat:

Gene Weingarten:
I received an important correspondence from Patrick Murray, creating an urgent need to correct a serious error from last week’s chat. I do not know how this happened, and will look into the matter immediately, but apparently a chatter submitted a bogus new-name generator for the Captain Poopiepants story! Here is the real generator, culled directly from the book by Patrick’s wife, Stinky.

First chart: Use the first letter of your first name to determine your NEW
first name.

A - Stinky
B - Lumpy
C - Buttercup
D - Gidget
E - Crusty
F - Greasy
G - Fluffy
H - Cheeseball
I - Chim-Chim
J - Poopsie
K - Flunky
L - Booger
M - Pinky
N - Zippy
O - Goober
P - Doofus
Q - Slimy
R - Loopy
S - Snotty
T - Falafel
U - Dorky
V - Squeezit
W - Oprah
X - Skipper
Y - Dinky
Z - Zsa-Zsa

Second chart: Use the first letter of your last name to determine the
first half of your NEW last name.

A - Diaper
B - Toilet
C - Giggle
D - Bubble
E - Girdle
F - Barf
G - Lizard
H - Waffle
I - Cootie
J - Monkey
K - Potty
L - Liver
M - Banana
N - Rhino
O - Burger
P - Hamster
Q - Toad
R - Gizzard
S - Pizza
T - Gerbil
U - Chicken
V - Pickle
W - Chuckle
X - Tofu
Y - Gorilla
Z - Stinker

Third chart: Use the last letter of your last name to determine the second
half of your NEW last name.

A - Head
B - Mouth
C - Face
D - Nose
E - Tush
F - Breath
G - Pants
H - Shorts
I - Lips
J - Honker
K - Butt
L - Brain
M - Tushie
N - Chunks
O - Hiney
P - Biscuits
Q - Toes
R - Buns
S - Fanny
T - Sniffer
U - Sprinkles
V - Kisser
W - Squirt
X - Humperdinck
Y - Brains
Z - Juice

Sadly, as Patrick points out, the world must revolve around reality, not unsolicited email. I am no longer "Zippy Girdlechunks," but "Fluffy Chucklechunks." And the president of the United States is no longer “Goober Chickenshorts” but merely “Fluffy Toiletshorts.”

The Washington Post regrets the error.
The original "food porn" article.

"NEW YORK (CNN/Money) - Burger King is reportedly set to unveil a new breakfast sandwich that's a huge bet that not everyone is looking to watch their diet.
USA Today reported that the No. 2 fast food chain is set to debut its Enormous Omelet Sandwich Monday.
The sandwich will have one sausage patty, two eggs, two American cheese slices and three strips of bacon, according to the newspaper.
That works out to 730 calories and 47 grams of fat, according to the report -- more than a Whopper burger, which the Burger King Web site said has 700 calories and 42 grams of fat.
While the new breakfast sandwich goes against the trend at some competitors to offer healthier fare, some analysts were quoted as saying the new sandwich is likely to be a sales success.
'The critics will still label it food porn,' Sherri Daye Scott, editor at fast-food magazine QSR, told the paper. 'But the average male fast-food customer does not have a problem with this.'
The new offering could also make Burger King more of a player in the breakfast market, where USA Today reports it is quite a ways behind McDonald's (Research).
Burger King has been privately held since it was sold by British food conglomerate Diageo to a group led by Texas Pacific Group in 2002. "
Monday, March 28, 2005
" porn?"
Sunday, March 27, 2005
Unfortunately, the "suspect" "allegedly" shot himself before they were able to catch or convict him.
Saturday, March 26, 2005
So, at a record of 62 and 3, I gave up on Freecell and cleared the statistics.

Now I'm at 9 and 0.

Friday, March 25, 2005
*Mrs. B giggles*

It's juvenile, I know...but it's funny.
Mrs. B said, "How much proof do we have to have before we remove the word 'suspected' or 'alleged' from a story? Do we have to have a criminal conviction?"

That word "alleged" (and it's annoying cousin, "suspected") is often what stands between a news organization and a successful suit for libel. It's also good ethical practice to remind readers that claims made about a person are only claims, not fact. Hence world-class news organizations are religious about that reminder, and always use "alleged" until courts have ruled, investigations are closed, and the truth -- or as close to it as we will get -- is known.

It annoys me, though, that news outlets have become sloppy. "Alleged" is short (too short) for a much longer statement about the uncertainty of what we think we know. Much of what journalists know is based on hearsay, rumor, speculation, innuendo, and other non-factual sources. What someone saw or said is often less credible than what a piece of evidence, properly interpreted, will show. Presumption of innocence stands at the heart of the American criminal justice system, and even that system too frequently makes mistakes.

It's worth noting that "alleged" and "suspected" leave out a critical piece of information. Who alleges? Who suspects? In this case, multiple law enforcement officials, a slew of witnesses, and the boy's own family all "suspect" that the boy killed all those people. That's a much different situation than, for example, an alleyway mugging in which the victim alleges that a person is the assailant, even though the criminal left no known evidence and wore a ski mask at the time. News organizations leave out this information because they either failed to take time to capture it in the first place or because they failed to write it into the story. Either way, it's a failure.

Thursday, March 24, 2005
The game actually reset at

Today's game ends in 23 hours, 55 minutes.

And so....

The Smartest Player today is currently snickersbaxton. Woohoo!

One last thing, then I'm going to bed. My first question was:

Question 1
Why can't you safely drink out of the ocean?
-Ships have went across the water
-It's salty
-The fish need it
-It's against the law

The fish need it? No, wait - have went? HAVE WENT? WHAT THE -?
Ok, last one, I promise. The trivia game now says:

Today's game ends in 23 hours, 57 minutes.

But the high scores are still up and it won't let me play. It's weird. All I want to do is play, have it tell me I'm the smartest, and then go to bed.

Two more quick things:

Right now, the trivia game says:

Today's game ends in 23 hours, 60 minutes.

Also, my Freecell record is 59 and 1. I am on a streak of 50 wins. I was a fool not to reset the record when I was 9 and 1.

That is all. Someone else post now. NOW.
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
One more thing - on a point I think I've made before - if you've been reading the news, you've also read about the latest school shooting. Kid kills his grandfather, his grandfather's "lady friend," a security guard, a teacher, and a bunch of classmates. Dozens of witnesses, school security camera tapes, forensic evidence, etc. And yet, on, there's this chart:

Derrick Brun, 28
Dwayne Lewis, 15
Chase Lussier, 15
Daryl Lussier, 58
Neva Rogers, 62
Chanelle Rosebear, 15
Michelle Sigana, 32
Alicia Spike, 14
Thurlene Stillday, 15

Suspected gunman:
Jeff Weise, 16

Suspected gunman? SUSPECTED gunman? Does this mean we suspect he had a gun, or we suspect he was a man? We KNOW he had a gun. How much proof do we have to have before we remove the word "suspected" or "alleged" from a story? Do we have to have a criminal conviction? Because, if so, this kid is going to be a suspected gunman for the rest of time. (I almost typed "for the rest of his life.") He's not going to be tried, or found guilty. But he did it. I suspect.
Ok, so I haven't posted anything yet about the Schiavo case, probably because it makes me so mad. But now it seems that it's just about over, so I think I can talk about it without screaming. If you read Gene's chat, you saw his feelings about the case - and I entirely agree with him.

There are three things at issue here:

1. Each of us has the right to refuse medical care. In the case of someone who is incapacitated, this decision can be made by a guardian. In almost all cases, the guardian is the spouse, if there is one. This is because you choose your spouse (you don't choose your parents, or children), so he or she is most likely to know your wishes and know what you would want. If you don't trust your spouse to make these decisions for you, leave a living will. Better yet, divorce your spouse.

B) This case has already been properly dealt with in the state courts. This is a state issue, not a federal one, and Congress certainly has no right to start interfering with something that has always been legislated and litigated in the states. Neither does the Florida legislature have the right to try to choke the courts using new and unconstitutional laws. No matter what Jeb and George want.

iii) For the love of God, let her die. As was said in Gene's chat - let's suppose she's not entirely vegetative. Let's assume all the doctors were wrong, and she has some consciousness. How do we know she's not screaming, in her head, "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LET ME DIE, PLEASE, KILL ME KILL ME KILL ME KILL ME KILL ME..."?

4. There is no 4.

I'm interested in JB's opinion, since he is studying law, lives in Florida, and is black.
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Hmmm. Fluffy Applebrain. Seems right to me these days.
In my own world, where I use the first letter of my first name, the first letter of my last name, and the fourth letter of my last name in a fashion similar to what's in the post below, my name is Stinky Toiletsniffer.

Our president ...

From Gene Weingarten's chat today:
"Honestly, there is genius in this. Our president is "Goober Chickenshorts." " --

The following is an excerpt from a children's book, "Captain Underpants And the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants" by Dave Pilkey.

The evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names...

Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:

a = poopsie
b = lumpy
c = buttercup
d = gadget
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = fluffy
h = cheeseball
i = chim-chim
j = stinky
k = flunky
l = boobie
m = pinky
n = zippy
o = goober
p = doofus
q = slimy
r = loopy
s = snotty
t = tootie
u = dorkey
v = squeezit
w = oprah
x = skipper
y = dinky
z = zsa-zsa

Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:

a = apple
b = toilet
c = giggle
d = burger
e = girdle
f = barf
g = lizard
h = waffle
i = cootie
j = monkey
k = potty
l = liver
m = banana
n = rhino
o = bubble
p = hamster
q = toad
r = gizzard
s = pizza
t = gerbil
u = chicken
v = pickle
w = chuckle
x = tofu
y = gorilla
z = stinker

Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:

a = head
b = mouth
c = face
d = nose
e = tush
f = breath
g = pants
h = shorts
i = lips
j = honker
k = butt
l = brain
m = tushie
n = chunks
o = hiney
p = biscuits
q = toes
r = buns
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = kisser
w = squirt
x = humperdinck
y = brains
z = juice

Monday, March 21, 2005
Oh, if you have to log in for the Miss Manners thing - use for the username and 1234 for the password.
So a few weeks ago, I put up the link to Miss Manners - not because I expect everyone else to read Miss Manners as faithfully as I do, but because she's often funny, and always relevant. Click on the link to Miss Manners, click on Food Fight!, and scroll down. Read the letter. Then consider this: for weeks it has been driving me crazy, even causing me some physical pain, that my Regional Operations Director uses the word "effect" in emails when she means "affect," and vice versa. I have longed to figure out a way to mention it - though I know I'm the only person crippled by this particular pet peeve - but now I know, conclusively, that I can't.

But I'll be honest - there have been emails from her that I didn't finish reading, because I got to a particularly horrific error in the second sentence and couldn't go on. Call me melodramatic, but I know I'm not the only one. At the very least, my sister gets it.
Well, it's only 5:00, so this could change - but for the second time,

The Smartest Player today is currently snickersbaxton.

Not by virtue of playing first, as is most often the case, but because I got more correct than several other people.

Sorry, had to gloat, it doesn't happen often.

Oh, and John - that sucks.

My boss just tendered her resignation.
Sunday, March 20, 2005
Funny dialogue from my favorite sitcom:
Background: Angela walks into the room and everyone clears out leaving a cloud of smoke.

Angela: How come everytime I leave the room, you all do this?
Kelso: Well, it's Thanksgiving. Some people bake pies. We bake ourselves.

However unfunny it is now, it was really funny then.

OH! I wrote on my board in an effort to tell my kids about it when the principal walked into the classroom. Knowing that is was Pen Island, I learned alot about my principal she stated, "We all have needs, and I know your girlfriend is out of town, but those type of sites are not allowed in a classroom and you should know better." To which I replied, I will convey your message to the residents of Pen Island." "Pen I-oh. Thank you, Mr. Berry. You may return to your class now." My wonderful students, who were listening at the door, could no longer contain themselves, and for the next fifteen minutes, neither could I.
Saturday, March 19, 2005
The Smartest Player today is currently snickersbaxton.

And this time, I earned it, instead of just being the first person to play.
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
This is GREAT. Seriously. Go. Click play. You must.
Dear Miss Manners:

At an apartment-warming I attended, a couple arrived about 30 minutes into the party. Within seconds, the family dog began making love to the female guest's leg. Her date grabbed her because she was struggling to stand.

The hostess said, "Down! Down!" The host said, "No, 'Big Boy!' No!" and tried to pull Big Boy off, without success. A nearby guest then leaned forward and gave the dog's tail a single tug. The dog let out a yelp, dropped to his feet and began inspecting his rear.

The yelp brought the party to a halt. In the silence that followed, the hostess said, "Did you jerk my dog's tail?" The tail-tugger turned red and looked ashamed, but said nothing. The moment passed and the party resumed.

Big Boy walked away. The tail-tugger did, too, in the opposite direction. The female guest later became pregnant, but not because of Big Boy. I don't think anyone handled this well. What do you think?

That you had far too good a time at this party.
Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring banana phone....

Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring banaaaaanaaaaaa phoooooooooooone....

I can call my cat!

Anyway, how is everyone? Is everyone out there?
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
The Smartest Player today is currently snickersbaxton.
Saturday, March 12, 2005
Friday, March 11, 2005
Taste it JB!
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
So I managed to get 1 answer correct! I have indonesian on my quiz! Indo - Freakin" - nesian!
Monday, March 07, 2005
I just thought I'd say that its 68 degrees outside and beautiful and ... IT's SUPPOSED TO SNOW TOMORROW!!!!!! I hate this teasing, I want to be able to go outside and know that tomorrow it won't be snowing. Now that I've got that off my chest...I'm going back outside.

I have also discovered in recent days that my knowledge of useless Broadway trivia has been getting me a few freebees in the quiz. Does anyone else know Miss. Siagon's "winning number"?
I attempted to take a quiz while my students were completing their class work. This was a bad idea. It took me 155 seconds, but only because I finally told them to leave me alone for at least 1 minute of their lives. Now, they are all pissy. I love it when I neglect my job.
Yeah, I've run into a handful of problems where the question made no sense without the context of the subject (in parens!)
1) Thinking minority question (color of rob's eyes)
a) blue
b) hazel
c) brown
d) green

In other news, Rob is incredible sore after a day of skiing on Saturday..... Lots of fun but I can't for the life of me understand how people go on vacation and do this 5 days in a row!!!

Ok, back to work.
Sunday, March 06, 2005
Um, I'm confused. One of my trivia questions today was:

Which Indian cities were the first trading posts for this company?
-Delhi and Bombay
-Calcutta and Delhi
-Madras and Calcutta
-Madras and Bangalore

Uh - WHAT company? Needless to say, I got that one wrong...But I got this one right:

Which is NOT a Constitutional reason for impeaching a President?
-High Crimes and Misdemeanors
-Getting body piercings

Fortunately, the rest of my questions were somewhere in between these two.
Friday, March 04, 2005
7. On Mobil signs, one of the letters is a different color from the others. Which one is it?

Wednesday, March 02, 2005
In two days, I have managed to answer a whopping five questions. Proving once again that teaching does not make you smarter, neither does schooling, excessive beer drinking, or chocolate. These things, however, do pay the bills, increase the bills, feel and taste good, respectively, respectively (yes, this sentence warrants a double "respectively" even if incorrectly applied).
Monday, February 28, 2005
The Smartest Player today is currently snickersbaxton.

Of course, by the time anyone reads this, it won't be true.

And DAMN the meteorologists for getting my hopes up. Again.
Friday, February 25, 2005
It's a shame this didn't work.

You know...I steal things from Dave Barry's blog, because I can't count on the fact that you all read it yourselves. Just like I can't count on all of you reading Gene's weekly columns, or his chats, despite the fact that they are FUNNY and are often the HIGHLIGHT of my week. Or, at least, my day. My workday. Everyone knows John is the highlight of my week, every week. Awww.

On the other hand, I can just repost things here, and take credit for them, because you all don't do your research.

And on the other hand, you have different fingers.
Dear Jelani,


I just witnessed one of the funniest/scariest displays of nonathletic activity ever - the faculty-student basketball game. Now, for those of you who do not know, I teach at a special education school where we pride ourselves on awarding standard diplomas because "We don't remediate. We accommodate." Well, all of our teachers are pretty much nonathletic (present company included thanx to a weak knee that ruined any possibility of me playing in the US Open or at least playing any kind of real tennis in, I digress). In any event, the students were told not to get rowdy because this was a basketball game (I know, but it's true).

After 32 minutes of playing (8-minute quarters) the score was 30 - 17 in favor of the faculty. I then remembered that our girls team won one game all season and placed third in the league and our boys placed fourth (Go Eagles!).

The story is funnier than it reads, thanx to my poor short term memory, but, hey, you didn't blog, so I am still better.

Crazy, about, commas,
Sure, it might be a little sick, and it might seem a little cruel...

but it's funny.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
At least I got the legal question right. BLOG!!!!!!!
Thursday, February 17, 2005
"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"

Yes, that guy is pretending to be gay so the models/beautiful women will feel safe to undress infront of him.
So...I'm in the Sheraton Chapel Hill sitting across the hall from the Victoria's Secret District Meet and Greet. Unfortunately, there are no models here, but there are about 10 attractive women over there. Why is this any of my concern? I'm wondering if the one guy sitting in that room is gay. This always fascinates me.
Dear Mr. Oh Bee Juan,

Yes, Bush is the antichrist. Yes, we will be attacked by everyone, except Canada. I think the US is becoming the modern day Great Britain. Remember them? Remember when they had the power to say, "OK, so you want to fight. Then, we are going to help the other side." and countries would stop fighting? We have taken over where Alexander The Great, Great Britain and the Roman Empire stopped.

I think our conquerous attitude is synonymous with a teenager who just got her drivers' license. At first, you go fast. Then you go faster. Then you get reckless. Then you get in a big crash and get the bejesus scared out of you. Then you go slower. If we are not careful, our accident will happen sooner than we think. Do we have enough insurance to cover the damage?

As for Rob, Congrats on the Lasagna (pronounced Luh - zahg - nee).

Now for the rest of you - BLOG!!!!!
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Posted by JB:
Blah blah BLOG, blah BLOG blah blahblog balh BLOG cooking.

Speaking of cooking, I made my very first lasagna last weekend. It was delicious.
More: Bush the antichrist or are we living in the country that will actually be attacked by everyone? Choose one, explain. I'm being serious.
Does anyone realize that "Rock Me Amadeus" was a #1 hit? I was just listening to it. I spent most of that time thinking WTF? Then I realized..."How Bizarre." Are you happy Margaret?
There was once a day when a dear friend decided that he needed a method to keep up with his friends daily lives. Consequently, he devised a way to stay abreast of their happiness, sadness, and randomness. In short, a blog was born. Traditionally, blogs did not exist, but this was a new way for friends to talk, announce and stream their collective consciousnesses.

Somewhere along this sordid journey, his blog began to fade. Not because the his friends no longer loved him or cared to share their daily lives with him, but because his friends no longer loved him or cared to share their daily lives with him.

Amidst his call for people to blog, a solution presented itself - trivia. [insert presentatory orchestral piece here]. Since the birth of our new trivia department, no blogs anymore! I understand the lure of trivia - the thrill of competition, the challenge to exhibit one's brain power, and the demonstration of mousal speed. In our excitement over the new kid on the block, we have forgotten about the kid who got us there.

I say to you, as I complete my stream on mental waste, BLOG. For some of us, blogging is our only refuge, our lifeline. Blogging is what keeps the gun in the barrel, the sleeping pills in the bottle, and the knives in the drawer (probably why I have cooked in a while, but I digress).

Help me help you save me and blog!
Saturday, February 12, 2005
The world's dumbest player is roeeyah
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
I had nine, but changed at the last minutes - Damn!

top 10 reasons mardi gras sucked this year
  1. The Super Bowl was two days ago.

Thank You

Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Anyone ELSE have too much time on their hands?
The Dumbest Player today is currently snickersbaxton.

But you better believe I got this one right:

Question 9
General : The Everything Quiz (10-Question Average Quizzes)
Complete the title: 'Are You There, God? It's Me, _______?'
I like the harder stuff, it kept us all honest - no bloated scores.
I also like cookies.
Sometimes...a product comes home. Then you start to understand how we can all get assault rifles.
Monday, February 07, 2005
Alright, I'm going to try again. I think I've got an "average stuff" trivia quiz that should not have too many pocket lint questions -- but I cannot promise that. Making a quiz on a very specific topic I could do easily (say The Princess Bride or maybe just for John a Friends quiz) but trying to make something more general has turned out to be somewhat tricky. There are enough questions to get us through a week or so and then I'll come up with something else (or we can always go back to the hard as crap trivia, the random music lyrics, or obscure movie trivia. There's also a premade category for Bible trivia or History/geography but I figured I'd try to be nice.)
Today's quiz included two (2!) questions about the most serious of topics. Read on:

Question 9
General : The World's Only Quiz on Pocket Lint ( Thematic Junk)
What exactly is pocket lint?

  1. Bits and pieces of stuff that collects in a pocket
  2. An insatiable yearning
  3. A species of carnivorous lizard
  4. A type of pneumatic compression analysis equipment

Question 10
General : The World's Only Quiz on Pocket Lint ( Thematic Junk)
Have any famous philosophers, thinkers, or scientific geniuses ever spoken at length about pocket lint?

  1. yes, Einstein did
  2. yes, George W Bush did
  3. yes, Plato did
  4. no
Saturday, February 05, 2005
I'll see your bananaphone and raise you one African Gray
Friday, February 04, 2005
Banana Phone
Ok, I'm going to officially cast my vote for a middle-of-the-road FunTrivia quiz. One of my questions today was:

What color is milk?
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Have Beer. Need Super Bowl. Come Join Me! I have places to sleep many.
The Dumbest Player today is currently snickersbaxton.
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
The Dumbest Player today is currently snickersbaxton.
Sunday, January 30, 2005
Quiz fixed.

Sorry, no internet connection while in Disney World.

Friday, January 28, 2005
Wow. This is painful to watch.
60 Bottles of Beer in an avalanche, 60 bottles of take one down...pass it around. Wait, I've got to pee. Yeah, I'm free!
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Damn. What a GREAT headline.
Monday, January 24, 2005
Since I know the answer...I won't respond.
Well, I got this wrong, but I'll let you all try it. Feel free to post your guesses, and I'll post the answer later. If I can manage it, I'll post the answer under the question. We'll see. Anyway:

Solve this mystery:

A woman, while at the funeral of her mother, met this guy whom she did not know. She thought the guy was amazing, her dream man! She fell in love with him instantly, but never asked for his phone number and could not find him after the funeral. A few days later she killed her sister.
Question: What is her motive in killing her sister? (Give this some thought before you answer)
MSNBC - Jan. 24 called worst day of the year

Indeed it is. It sucks.
Sunday, January 23, 2005
Not only does the quiz have too many "Friends" questions, but they don't know the answers. One of my questions (on the day that I only got 1 right! supposedly...) was Who guest starred as Rachel's sister? The answer, according to me (and John, and Scott, and Google) is Christina Applegate. I chose Christina Applegate. They said I was wrong, that it was Reese Witherspoon.

Sucky, sucky, sucky. Please, for the love of God, CHANGE THE CATEGORY.
The quiz sucks. Every question about the 90s is about Friends, and not easy stuff about Friends. Here's my quiz -- 5 questions having to do with Friends.

Weren't there things happening in the world that didn't happen in a sitcom?

Answer accurately and quickly to gain the most points!

If you do not submit this quiz, you will be scored a zero!

Topic of the Hour: 1990s
Timer started! Go! Go! Go!

Question 1

Sports : NFL Teams in the 90s (NFL 1990s)

New Orleans has the nickname of who?


Question 2

Television : "Friends", "Friends", and More "Friends" (Friends* Mixture: Average Q-Z)

Chandler said, at first, that Monica's bathing suit from high school was used to cover Connecticut when it rains. What did he see that changed his mind?

Ross' hair
Rachel's puffy sleeved prom dress
Rachel's old nose
Monica's sandwich

Question 3

Sports : Super Bowl XXIX (Super Bowl 1990s)

How many receiving yards did Jerry Rice have?


Question 4

Music : Mad Music Trivia (1990s Music)

How many men are in the Backstreet Boys?


Question 5

Television : Name the Television Year: 1990s (1990s TV)

1 - 'ER', 2 - 'Seinfeld', 3 - 'Veronica's Closet', 4 - 'Friends', and 5 - 'Touched by an Angel'. What year was this, the final one for 'Roseanne'?


Question 6

Television : Are You A True "Friend"? Part Two (Friends* Mixture: Average A-E)

Who stole Ross's monkey, Marcel, and made him wear a tutu?

Mr. Heckles

Question 7

Music : The Worst of Rock & Pop Lyrics Quiz (1990s Music)

"I think I'm done nursing the patience."

My Friends Over You
The Anthem
Man In The Box
Learn To Fly

Question 8

Music : Fun Music Quiz (1990s Music)

Name 3 members from N'Sync?

Justin, Lance and Chris
Lance, Robert and Sam
Justin, Joseph, JC
Joe, Rupert and Lance

Question 9

Television : Name the Television Year: 1990s (1990s TV)

For a change of pace, which of these shows was NOT on Australia's Top 20 ranked shows for the 1999-2000 season?


Question 10

Television : "Friends" Questions (Friends* Mixture: Average A-E)

What is Chip Matthews' phone number?

555 9462
555 9323
555 8344
555 9921
This was my quiz today. This is what the 1990's have been reduced to? Why only two or three days of music trivia and weeks of Friends? AHHHHHHHHHHH

Answer accurately and quickly to gain the most points!

If you do not submit this quiz, you will be scored a zero!

Topic of the Hour: 1990s
Timer started! Go! Go! Go!

Question 1

Sports : Gold Medallists 1 (1996 Atlanta)

Cycling. In Atlanta the gold medal on the road-event was won by:

Miguel Indurain
Pascal Richard
Rolf Sorensen
Max Sciandri

Question 2

Television : Die Hard 'Friends' Quiz (Friends* Mixture: Average Q-Z)

Who buys a lap top?


Question 3

Television : Are You A True "Friend"? Part Two (Friends* Mixture: Average A-E)

When the engagement ring Phoebe was supposed to be guarding for Chandler is accidentally sold, what does Chandler say to the purchaser to get it back from him?

The ring is fake
The ring is cursed
Phoebe is dying
The ring is stolen

Question 4

Television : Tough 'Friends' (Friends* Mixture: Average Q-Z)

When everybody played poker, what was the limit?

a dollar
50 cents
25 cents
75 cents

Question 5

Television : "Friends" Galore! (Friends* Mixture: Average Q-Z)

When mentioned, which movie will immediately make Joey cry?

"Gone With the Wind"
"Old Yeller"
"It's a Wonderful Life"

Question 6

Television : "Friends" Fanatic (Friends* Mixture: Average Q-Z)

In what tv show did Joey have a robot co-star?

Days of Our lives
Cereal Lives
Mac and Cheese

Question 7

Television : Ultimate 'Friends' Trivia (Friends* Mixture: Average A-E)

What was the name of Eddie's ex-girlfriend?


Question 8

Television : 'Friends' Trivia (Friends* Mixture: Average Q-Z)

Whose boss likes to congratulate people by slapping them on the butt?


Question 9

Television : 'Friends' Trivia (Friends* Mixture: Average Q-Z)

Whom does Monica say Chandler looks like with a mustache?

Their dad
Aunt Silvia
Tom Selleck

Question 10

Television : 'Friends' Trivia (Friends* Mixture: Average A-E)

Who said 'Oh, I think this is the episode of 'Three's Company' where there's some kind of misunderstanding'?