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Thursday, April 29, 2004
Last sentence. This is cnn, people. Hire an editor. Hire me to edit. More than happy to.

And someone get the Nobel Prize ready for whoever invented this.
Her rock can't be that big, since it went unnoticed by all those guests...

And - I know I'm being petty here - but doesn't this picture look like his suit is too big? Sort of like a kid wearing daddy's suit?
It's a fish. It can live on land. It eats everything. And it's coming soon to a lake near you.

I knew they couldn't contain this thing.
Hey, I wonder how big her "rock" is? Also, if "life is too short" (see end of article on rationale) do you think it is too short for a pre-nup?

Also, it looks like the World War II Memorial is finally ready for viewing. I am glad they finally did it, because I think its absence was a real problem for the National Mall.
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
Ok, and I know this is picky, but - if they say that it was worth it to remove Saddam, doesn't that technically imply that the war did more good than harm? How can you say that something did more harm than good, but was worth it? Isn't something only worth it if it did more good than harm? hm?
On a more serious note, the government is trying to take away our Constitutional right to annoy squirrels.
Here we go again. If your 12-year-old kills someone - YOU HAVE FAILED.
There's a sentence at the end of this article that I find funny - he was on probation for assault and was not supposed to consume alcohol. Yes...and he was also not supposed to consume alcohol while driving, because that's illegal ALL THE TIME.
OK folks. When I posted THIS last night it had recieved not quite 100,000 hits and was going for $810. Now . . . Oh My God, some people have too much money to throw around. I guess being on the Today Show this morning didn't hurt his cause.

Tuesday, April 27, 2004
Now THIS is funny. And Creative, I might say.
can it be 5PM now? Please!? It's so GD nice out, I just want to go home. Damnit, while I'm here I may as well post something worthwhile.

So at the end of the last motorcycle season I was about a quarter mile from my house when someone jutted out in the crosswalk in front of me. I braked too hard, the front locked up, the back washed out and I went down on the left side. Again (that's a whole 'nother story.) So now the damn transmission won't shift out of neutral and I'm pretty sure I know what's wrong with it but I'm really not qualifiied to be doing any sort of transmission work on the inside of a motorcycle. But guess what I'm going to be doing this week after work? Wish me luck. If I had a digital I'd be taking lots of pictures of my bad idea in progress!
Most Shocking Headline Of The Century.
Monday, April 26, 2004
Now HERE'S a do-it-yourself project that....well....quite frankly...don't try this at home. Really. Don't.

I'm stealing blog material, and now I'm stealing comments:

"We are looking for agent every country"

All your foreskin are belong to us!
Ahhhhhhhhhh the skin on my shoulders has broken and it hurts it hurts it hurts.....

I'm stupid.
Tom - I am trying to get a "complete financial picture" in Quicken. Set up bank accounts, credit cards, cars, mortgages, etc. Except half of them won't sync with online, so I have to enter them manually, and the rest of it is so convoluted and counterintuitive that I think it's worthless. And I'm not an idiot with computers, in general. But this is ridiculous.

John - I couldn't open that link. Who got shot? Other than that, I agree with you, as per usual.

The only other thing I have to say is: OW.

We don't need gun control in this country. What we do need are families, churches and schools that can teach the importance of peaceful resolution to conflict. Until then, assholes shouldn't be given guns. Failing that, if you've got to shoot someone - make sure you only shoot the person you mean to shoot. Furthermore...shot glasses? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?
Billy Joel got in his third "big" car accident in two years on Sunday. Is it just me, or should the government take away his license before Billy kills someone else, or himself for that matter? The singer is a marvel behind the piano keyboard, but a monstrosity behind the wheel. I think this argument should be used on old people, regardless of musical talent, who still think they can drive but clearly cannot, but that is another story for another day.

Margaret, why do you hate Quicken? What are you trying to do?
Little League Gives Northern VA Jurisdiction Over Mars
I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken I hate Quicken
Ok, so all I have to say on the presidential election is this:

John Kerry is a douche bag, but I'm voting for him anyway.

Oh, and on OKCupid, I'm a False Messiah. The truth hurts, doesn't it?

Although, all ye who date me shall be redeemed. Double redemption for people who sex me up.
Sunday, April 25, 2004
Hope Foxfield was awesome! At the very least I hope it was less drama fillled than last year and no one thought it would be a good idea to ride their mountain bike there. Or back.

I wound up at Earthfest and then at a nice pub watching the RedSox defeat those pesky Yanks.

I fought the sun and the sun won.
Friday, April 23, 2004
I believe The Man (hehe) outlawed the showing of military casualties arriving home because it scares John and Jane Q. Public, which causes them (just the two of them) to turn against the war effort. Apparently, the reality of dying soldiers is too much for them to handle. The last time this happened was Vietnam and well know how that turned out. In short, no it is not legal, but there is a great constitutional argument here with freedom of the press and all (sorry, I am preparing for exams again).
Quick question - is this legal? I don't think so....
Wayne Brady. Excellent. I wonder if I can sign up again, and try to get, or, or ...

Jelani, hon, we haven't forgotten you, it's just that none of us know what Southern Rock is either....
Yes! I am SPAM ME!
I am now also We'll see if it's all it's cracked up to be. I doubt I'll use the email address - but I'll use the storage!
Thursday, April 22, 2004
Blogger just invited me to try GMail.

The primary problem with the hydrogen beer story IS physics. Or biology. Two sentences in a row say that hydrogen in the lungs causes high voices, then says you can achieve this by drinking the beer. When you drink, if you do it right, nothing goes into your lungs....
Nice, link, John.

I am The Boy Next Door.

Very intriguing. If anyone else has the time to do the test, it is worth it. You can also make up a bogus email address, etc. on the last page and still see your results.

I am also Galadriel and "cool as ice." Apparently I am very wise, which I have never associated with being cool, but hey, whatever . . .

In interesting things I found on the web today, Anybody want a hydrogen beer?
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Man...Elrond is sofa king cool...cooler than Ice. Man, I wish they had a cool test that I couldn't guess right off though...

does that make me cooler? or just a poser?

and's who I really am!
Interesting tidbits - Jackson has been indicted, they have made a Jackdoll (and you know who "they" are), and I have finally discovered the study method that could have SO helped me in college.
I am Elrond on Ice!
I pose a challenge to the Thinking Minority!

I have been invited to join a blues band, thanks to my drunken rendition of Bon Jovi's Wanted (thanx bax). The bad other news is they also want me to sing Southern Rock. What the hell is Southern Rock?!? So I have been searching the internet, what I found leads me to believe that I may only make one gig. Still, I have been invited to a preliminary jam session so they can asses my talent(s). So I need some buzz words so I can at least appear cool or should I say kool or kewl.....but, I digress. In any event, here is my challenge to you, The Thinking Minority.......HELP!!!!!!!!!

And yes while I am in the ville, I will board (and room) with The Baxtons (yay!), so feel free to come and drink booze with me. The least I remember the better. Remember, you thinking minorities, I am a studyholic (who am I kidding?), workaholic (hahahahaha), so I can drink you all under the perverbial table. Another challenge, I dare say? Hmmm.......
Wow. Lots of blogger action today. I'm impressed. JB, are you staying with us during your 25th-2nd stint? Shouldn't we just email instead of blogging? Oh well.

You're the coolest. You're so cool you could freeze a person from across the room.
P.S. I like cookies too. We'll have cookies on the 25th.
School ends on the 25th and you'll be here on the 25th? Rock on.

I don't know if you get the 5th off, hon, I think I do. You should check on that. Having to go back Sunday night would suck bigtime.

I am Celeborn, apparently. And I'm warm pop. Mmmm.....pop.
Here's another one. Which Elf Are You? .

Signed, Arwen the hopeless romantic. UCK.
Trying Again. Sorry. Maybe not so Cool Here.

This goes along with the HamBone thingie and is good for a laugh. Are You Cool ?.

Warm Pop, Baby
This goes along with the HamBone thingie and is good for a laugh. Are You Cool ?.

Warm Pop, Baby
This goes along with the HamBone thingie and is good for a laugh. Are You Cool ?.

Warm Pop, Baby
I miss you too! High school ends on the 25th of May (not looking forward to it or anything), so I will be in the ville on the 25th. I plan to leave on the 2nd of June since tennis instruction starts on the 3rd for me and classes start on the 7th. The fourth this year is on a Sunday. Do we get Monday off as well (vaguely remembering that there is some rule about two holidays on the same day)?

ps. I like cookies.
Hey Jelani, we miss you.
Interesting...but I have to say - and this is quite odd coming from me - but whoever made the "boob job" page seems a bit....catty. I mean, some of them are pretty bad, but some of it just sounds like jealousy - a few of the ones at the end, I can't figure out what they're talking about. All fake boobs look kinda fake. You can't really get around that because they are fake. But some are worse than others...and some of the ones on that page aren't that bad. I dunno.
Margaret, looks like the third time is the charm.

On that note, here are three sites about awful plastic surgeries:

1) Awful Plastic - Lots of good stuff here
2) Awful Plastic - Bad boob jobs [Sorry, it is just too good not to post]
3) A Photographic History of Michael Jackson's Face - Very funny . . .
Having blog problems. Let's see if this posts three times.

The Exorcist in 30 Seconds.

Also - and I promised I'd link to it - here it is. Ladies and gentlemen, when you go to have surgery, please make sure your doctors have graduated from the third grade.
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
To add an amendment to my earlier post, seeing how it involves the same show, isn't this dress the scariest thing you have ever seen? It is on par with the hideous Bjork "swan" dress and the infamous "credit card" dress, both of Oscar red carpet fame.

Truly, a match "made for TV."
Monday, April 19, 2004
If President Bush got his briefings in a dumbed-down format, perhaps he could understand them.

I'm feeling pretty alone at work here, so if anyone is out there...please post. Please.
Sure, sure...we'll stop shooting you, as long as you're unarmed. Really.

And is it just me, or was last month "the deadliest so far" in the non-war? And now, this month is the deadliest so far? Mid-month? What do we have to look forward to next month? is bad. And I don't believe the last two sentences.
How about this for negative publicity:

McDonald's CEO Dies of Heart Attack.

One to many Big Mac attacks . . .

I would love to hear them put a radio jingle to this publicity disaster. "I'm Lovin' It . . ."
Funny Toons (Political)
Sunday, April 18, 2004
After seeing that I did post to announce my "no show," I am wrecked with laughter in a completely somber, pissed of kind of way.
Never look forward to anything for it will disappoint you always.

As the motto of my dredful weekend, I vow to embark on a conquest of pessimistic pontification.

Until May and July Fourth, so long from the sunny side.
Fun reading.
Friday, April 16, 2004
Oh, I'm sorry, I was wrong - scroll all the way down - your life is worth $12,000 a year.
I will act as translator: I have been drinking. As it appears, I am not going to make it to Charlottesville. Thanks to a wreck, and a wreck to my car. I am stuck at home. I have been drinking a lot. Sorry about the typing. I hate Jacksonville. This is why I am drinking a lot. Good night all!

Incidentally, just so you know, your life is only worth $20,000 a year.
As it appears, I am not foing to make it to cville. Thanks to a wrteck, adn a wreck to my calr. I am dtusk tat home. sorry abo7u the typinh. i hte javlovilel. gopod nithgt all!
(to the tune of On The Rough Side of The Mountain)
I comin' up,
On the night side
Of the Friday
I'm gonna spend some time
Drinking and losing my pants
I'm coming up
On the fun side
Of the weekend
I'm doin' my best
To keep drinkin'

I will be on the ground in Richmond, Virginia at 8:15 Friday Night.

Can girls be ham-bones?
Five-year old girl survives crash that sends her car plummeting down a 400 foot drop, in which her mother dies, then lives for 10 days on Gatorade and dried noodles that were in the back seat of the car until rescue workers find her.

Amazing . . .
Thursday, April 15, 2004
Extended absense due to horrible sickness, infection of some sort blah.

So my cube neighboor and I are chit chatting in anticipation of the 5PM poker game in the engineering lab (working hard, working hard), making sure our private fridge has plenty of beers, the standard stuff...

And my supervisor comes over to chit chat as well and is holding an electronics magazine, talks for about a minute and then says I'm off and heads for the back of the building where the more private (take a dump) bathrooms are.
So my cube buddy and I start discussing pranks we'd like to pull on our supervisor as he's ahem, yes well.
We suggested throwing a cup of water over the door soakign him, that was nixed. Then he came up with a genius idea. He suggested taking the big squirt bottles that saline solution come in and filling them with water, then taking up the stall next to the unsuspecting supervisor and commence draining the saline bottles (plural) Now first of all, that's a lot of water to drain. We could be standing there for minutes on end and that would be enough to cause notice and alarm in our supervisor. Then cube neighbor suggested having selectively bad aim. Maybe pointing at the floor and waving it around. Going for the shoes of the supervisor next door.

I'm off to CVS to buy some saline.

I was a 7, but then that last question sounds just me...

I am a 2, teetering on 3.
Take a moment to rate yourself using this well-researched "Ham-Bone" identity test.

I scored a 5 and rated a "Class 2," which apparently is pretty bad. At least I am a member of a regularly meeting "gaming group," which the rating section said will help bring be back to humanity again . . .
Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Taxes suck. Wish I had a house last year. What a horrible day! Well, I'm working from home tomorrow...which means sulking. I think I need many drinks this weekend. Hopefully something good will come of this money.



In response to Baxton's complaining about personal phone calls, I just want everyone to know that I just called him on his cell-phone, AT WORK!!! [I felt this appropriate, given his strong dislike of others who do this] I asked him to talk "loudly" and make those fellow cubicle-mates of his pay for their insolence. I even asked him to put me on speaker phone, so I could do this for him. He refused. Then, he hung up. Then, he sent me the following IM:

Avpjack: bastard!
Avpjack: JERK

Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All in favor of moving to Australia to avoid the bumbling incompetence of Bush, say "aye." [As if you really could move anywhere in the world and get away from him].

Posted by Tom
- Bartlett for President
It started out innocently enough.

I began to think at parties now and then -- to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time. I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid
friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka.

I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?" Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my husband about the meaning of life. He spent that night at his mother's.

I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in. He said, "Shirley, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job." This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..." "I know you've been thinking," he said, "and I want a divorce!" "But Honey, surely it's not that serious." "It is serious," he said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!" "That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and he began to cry.

I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door. I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche, with NPR on the radio. I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors... they didn't open. The library was closed. To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. As I sank to the ground, clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed ...easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. Soon, I will be able to vote Republican.

so... yeah...

Why must someone make 5 personal phone calls in their cube before 10:30? Why must she be extremely loud? Why does her cell phone have the most annoying ring ever? WHY ARE THERE TWO OF THESE PEOPLE IN MY OFFICE?

Sign up for the free account.
OK - we've all known this for quite a while, but here is more proof that our president is a bumblimg idiot. Ummmm, well, You kinda caught me off guard, ummmm. Oh My God!!!

In answering quesions from the press last night:

Nonetheless, the president expressed confidence he would win over voters this fall.

"I don't plan on losing my job. I plan on telling the American people that I've got a plan to win the war on terror. And I believe they'll stay with me," he said.

Though nearly half the questions Bush fielded offered him the chance to admit a mistake or express regret for his administration's actions in Iraq or on the 2001 attacks, he never did - except to apologize that he couldn't come up with any example of a failing.

"I don't want to sound like I have made no mistakes. I'm confident I have," he said. "I just haven't - you just put me under the spot here, and maybe I'm not as quick on my feet as I should be in coming up with one."


Tuesday, April 13, 2004
Ahhhhh....such good samaritans those sratties are. much money did they think the store would have? Let's assume we start with $50 in the register, and movies are $4 each, and there were probably 10 customers at most by 10:50 am (since the store opens at 10), let's say each person rents 2 movies with no coupons AND they all pay with cash...that's another $80 in sales, in addition to the $50 in the register (and I'll bet only one drawer was out that early in the morning), so that's a grand total of $130. 10 hostages? A SWAT team? ...was it worth it?
So...this morning our fax machine stopped working. Through some experimentation, I discovered that it was not the fax machine, but the phone line that was not working. I called Sprint to schedule a repair appointment...and was told that our fax number did not exist. Not only is it not currently active, it has NEVER been active. I tried to explain that we get faxes on that number at least once a day, and have for the past four months, and the customer service representative's response was "Well, I don't know how."

Me either.
Ah, The Onion. One of the finest examples of cutting satire of our time. This week's funny articles:

1) 15 Year Old Nephew Asked If He Can Get Ecstasy

2) Price of Nuclear Secrets plummeting

3) And this one, to tickle your brains out there. It took me a second to get it, which shows how well my incredibly large brain works:

Dollar Losing Value Against The Quarter
NEW YORK: After falling 6 percent in the past three weeks, the U.S. dollar hit a 208-year low against the U.S. quarter, which had been valued at exactly 0.25 dollars since its introduction in 1796. "The dollar continues to slide against most major currencies," Morgan Stanley analyst Richard Jemison said. "At the end of the day Tuesday, the quarter was trading at .267 yen, .203 euros, and US$0.28. But what we're really seeing here is not just a dollar weakened by a sluggish economy, but an exceptionally resilient quarter-dollar." Jemison was quick to point out that the dollar remains very strong against the nickel.
Today, outside of my window, a guy in a white jeep cherokee thought that it would be a good idea to try and rundown a police officer on a motorcycle. Any guesses as to how it worked out for him?

On a lighter note, all you C'Ville people apparently have it better than the rest of us...
Now that's funny as a**

Monday, April 12, 2004
More and more evidence that Bush dropped the ball.
Ok folks. On your mark, get set, go!!! Time for some treasure hunting. We know there are some folks with money here in the 'Ville and many of them don't have much to so, so maybe they've hidden it out there somewhere. It actually looks pretty cool.

T says there are 40 caches in and around C'ville.

Margaret. We did not see your last post because you have to have an account on the Miami Herald website to get it.

You have got to love Saturday Night Live. In the episode hosted by Janet Jackson this Saturday, Jackson plays Condalezza Rice, preparing for the 9/11 commission. At the beginning of the skit, VP Cheney suggests she might want to show a boob during her testimony. "Just one headlight, real quick," he said. "It does two things. You win over the liberals, plus, it's a distraction for the press. I guarantee that's going to be the headline, not the bin Laden thing." You can read about the rest

For other cool SNL skits, go here.
Sunday, April 11, 2004
Soon, Tom and Meghan, you will know the joys of children's birthday parties.
Friday, April 09, 2004
Not much to say here, trying my hardest not to get anything done on this Good Friday.
This is an interesting listen to radiohead fans

UMass Front percussion ensemble performing Paranoid Android.


I love the little social comments through out the receipe and instructions. Some of my favorites are:

- "As the water begins to steam, allow the sneaking feeling that you'll never amount to anything run down your spine."

- "Stash "Baby Pruno" extremely well, so none of the authority figures in your life will start asking questions and have to be shanked later on."

- "There's nothing quite like a hand-crafted vintage of pruno to get those embers of lust burning bright. Ask that little prison bitch you've had your eye on to split one of these with you and he'll be tossing salads like the caterer at a weight-loss convention."


PRUNO.. the "drink" you "consume" whilst feeling the anger of being unjustly sentenced to hellish bourgeois existence of cable television and suburban shopping malls. Or Prison.
Orwell was about 20 years off.

Further proof that as a country we need more than 3 companies to deliver us our television/radio/printed news. And more than 2 companies should own 80% of radio. (not real statistics, I made them up.)

It's news this morning that Clear Channel dropped Stern on an FCC threat. Except they dropped him in February. And the $500K threat happened on Thursday. Yet the blurb clearly states : "Federal regulators Thursday proposed $495,000 in indecency fines against Clear Channel Communications for broadcasts by Howard Stern, prompting the nation's largest radio chain to drop the country's best-known shock jock." I think that's a bit misleading.
John, out of curiosity, what did you buy? If you bought girl scout cookies, please know that while this activity is technically soliciting, most of the US seems to view it as cute and cuddly, rather than "please buy this vacuum, let me show you the features . . ."

In this morning's news, Clear Channel Radio has dropped Howard Stern. Apparently, when the FCC fined them $500K, they thought this was just the beginning with future problems with Stern and dropped him instead of having stations' licenses revoked. Stern, in good form, retorted that the FCC went after him at the Bush Administration's urging because he is an outspoken anti-Bush broadcaster.

He might just be right . . .
Thursday, April 08, 2004
WTF. People have lost it. The world has gone mad...and you still have to pay taxes!

Don't punt the puppy. Just throttle it a bit. I hope PETA's not reading this, they'll burn down my house (killing my cats in the process, but that's what they do).

So, I've gone in the opposite bitter direction. I've had two young solicitors darken my doorstep in the past few weeks and I've bought something from one of them. While this isn't like me, I couldn't just run away or tell her to get lost. My spirit is broken.

Hmmm, I guess I'm joining leagues with Osama. My roomate has a 3 or 4 month old berkland/berkshire (whatever) terrier that is completely untrained and unsupervised for most of the day. The girl that owns it is gone most of the day, takes the thing outside maybe once a week for about 15 minutes and isnt' really interested in paper training the dog. He's been known to feast in the litter box (or as my mother callls it, smokes the cats cigars) and tear up the entire apartment. I'd really like to have him for Easter dinner, I'm sure he'd be delicious boiled.
Barring that I wouldn't mind kicking him once in a while but I settle for staring at him and letting him know that I don't like him. He gets excited when people come home and usually jumps all over the place but he only jumps in the air in front of me because he knows I don't like him. That and he terrorizes my cat. I hate to say it but this dog is turning me into a cat person. I mean I love cats but I've always thought they pale in comparison to a good dog. As it turns out I was wrong. Dogs suck.

Wow, I need to beat whatever infection I have that's making me sick. It's also making me mean, I just reread that post and I'm an asshole. And I mean,not like typical, Rob you're an asshole. Like I'm turning into a grumpy old man. The one that kids are afraid to play in their yard and tell stories about

Oh that Mr. Fwera;lkjapsodifj I heard he puts poison in the apples in his tree
Oh yeah? I heard Mr. Farrragheerar is really a witch and he'll put a spell on you

I'm a grumpy old man.
Ok, I will admit to thinking of punting a couple dogs before, in particular Meghan's Mother's current dog, Puck (that's right, rhymes with "F$%^" and the term "bad attitude" is the understatement of the decade). However, I would never do it, but in self-defense. As a side note, I doubt the implicated "dog kicker" was defending himself against a 17-year old, two-pound dog. That is, as Margaret said, just wrong . . .

Now to add some humor to the posts, I typed "Dog kicking" into Google (I love Google), and I got the following:

1) Here we have a Texas University organization organize a dog kicking event as a stress-relieving event. Make sure to check out the pictures, they are really quite pathetic.

2) Osama Bin Laden, a.k.a. dog kicker.

3) Drunk man in Korea kicks dog and gets kicked back.

4) The High Court in Italy makes it a crime to kick a dog. This article is also amusing for the other rulings the high court made, particularly with regards to a polititian who accused a rival of "fattening her buttocks."

Ok, that is it for my lunch hour.
Oh, but it is...and that does make me a bad person.
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
It's not funny.
As you all know, it's Passover season (If you didn't know, pretend that you did). In any event, I decided yesterday that everything I ate had some type of rising agent in and that is why I had no food in the house. So, I went to the store to buy some "Jew Food."

As I stared at the empty shelves, one of the employees asked, "Oh, are you buying food for your friends?" I was still facing the shelves at the time, but now I had the "Are you kidding me?" look on my face. I looked at him and said, "Why couldn't I be buying food for me?" "You're not Jewish!", he remarked. So, I asked, "Why aren't I Jewish?" and with a very confused look of "oh shit" and WTF, he asked, "You're Jewish" Dragging out the Jewish as though he had either foggoten how to say the word or was trying to remember to raise the inflection in his voice to make it a proper question. "I am sorry to inform you" I siad, "but I am Jewish." He stared for a second and forced out an "oh" and then slowly backed away before I infected him. Then I left the store, hungry, empty-handed and laughing my ass off.

I love this Black Jewish Vegetarian stuff!
Ah...Virginia...not far enough from Texas and too close to Florida.
Happy Birthday, Smitty! Live long and prosper!
Happy Birthday Smitty. Now you can get the walker you've always wanted.

Tuesday, April 06, 2004
Ha ha ha haha....I was just signing in to post that J.Lo's mom certainly didn't need to win the jackpot....Tom beat me to it.
In this morning's news, a woman named Guadalupe Lopez won the "Wheel of Fortune" $1 slots in Atlantic City on Saturday night.

She won almost $2.5 million dollars.

Did I mention that she is J. Lo's Mother? Like she needed the money . . .

At least she is setting up a college fund for her grand children. Like they need the money . . .
Hey. We're the chipmonks, and we ain't goin' out like punks.
Monday, April 05, 2004
I'm sorry...but I had to post this...

And in retaliation against myself, I must do this. (Come know you want to "Click here for a larger view")

So we saw Sadler Court burn on Saturday night. I've seen fires before, but it's always a little weird to watch a building burn with about 1000 of your least closest friends.
Pretty crazy.

I dunno Ken, $150 for an entire weekend of driving?

There would have to be a whole lot of road-head to make it worth my while.

Even more innapropriate fun at Rob's work:

the same guy who said
"Brad, you've made me the happiest man alive" sent out an e-mail over the weekend that was very technical in nature and in response to an e-mail from one of our founders, named Richard.

What did the opening line say?:
"Thanks for the input Dick."

oh, good times, good times.
I just want you to know, John, I was seriously considering your male dancer offer, but $75 won't cover my expenses. But, maybe if I could get Rob to come down with me, the $150 for the two of us would be enough incentive.

I do this great little dance to "Push It". Oh. And, I mean, you know what I look like, man. The hottness and all...

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is: If Rob is down, so am I.
Now, kenneth and I have a silly joke about buying pandas.... I think it's one of those where you'd have to be there to appreciate it.

But this is pretty funny.
Friday, April 02, 2004
Just for the record, I knew she was lying. Call it a gut feeling.
A recent want ad!

Goodlooking College age guys wanted (18-28yrs old) to be male dancers at a birthday party in Charlottesville on Saturday April 17th. No experience necessary. $75 plus tips for 30minute performance. For more information please send an email to the address below. Interested candidates please indicate your age, height, weight, hair/eye color and also include a photograph attachment. Email:
Thursday, April 01, 2004
Yet to work over 40 hours a week? I've already worked 40 hours this week. Sigh. of the new house? Y'all gettin' AMP'd this weekend?

And while I realize this constitutes friendly fire, THIS is ridiculous. Notice the headline at the very bottom....these people aren't subtle.

I didn't think it was real, but here it is, April 2, and is up and running.
Whud up peeps...I'm here to blog, according to the instructions of John Baxton. So, Michael and I closed on a townhouse on Wednesday...moving in this weekend! Sweeeeet! My job still pretty much rules, except for the occasional sucky hours, but I have yet to work over 40 hours in a week :) yeah woooooooooooooooo!
Meghan - EXCELLENT. We can win this, if we work together. Let a new battle begin.

Last, but not least, people who misspell their children's names on purpose are idiots.
My shot in the war.

OK. It think it's great that you can find THIS, right next to the Far Side.

I'm in.
First post. w00t.

The older I get, the more I realize the world just doesn't make sense. Case in point: why I find an a manbunny so damn attractive.

I'm seriously debating moving to another planet, just to escape George W. Bush. You wouldn't think such an imbecelic man could phase a member of the intelligensia, such as myself, but none-the-less, the idiots have me running scared. I was thinking of moving to Europe, but they're just as bad. And, we're going to bomb the rest of the places soon, except maybe China. But, who wants to live in China? All the pirated software I want, isn't worth living in a semi-communist police state.

So, who's up for Mars?
I love dem bunnies. And now the news:

I am the gold star champion!

I'll be employed for the next 6 months just with the thing I just did. It's a celebration, bitches! I'll let you know when I get a raise (in Nov 2005, according to our wonderful state government).
John, that was just wrong. I do not know whose post was more disturbing, the "Poke It" game or the Man/bunny pictures.

I was listening to NPR on my way into work this morning, and a columnist was chronicalling the history of April Fools Day. In one part of his discussion, he mentioned what he thought was the best NPR April Fools Day prank. In the early 1990s, NPR did a spoof on Richard Nixon, presenting what seemed to be a legitimate campaign ad for relection as president. The funny thing was Nixon's election slogan, "I did not do it then, and I will not do it again . . ."
I must stoop to a new low.