Man,
I'm not feeling too great today...been sneezing like crazy and I really just want to get some sleep. That's not what I'm writing about though.
I was with the Riddler today grabbing a sangwich and my mail from the post office (because I still don't have a box) and I was almost front-ended by a person pulling out of a parking space. WEIRD. Why do people have to back their cars completely straight before pulling forward? Do they not know that the steering wheel turns the other way? Luckily, I honked after my passenger told me to "watch out," otherwise I would have been wringing someone's neck for hitting me with their rear end. But I'm not writing about that either.
What I am writing about is the other thing I saw today. At the light in front of KFC and Days Inn on 29 South, a car was going 25 mph and when the light turned yellow, she slammed on her brakes. I say she because my sexist gene tells me it was a woman. It WAS a woman. I says to the man next to me, "who does that?" We pulled up next to the woman and her sunglassed man-friend (it's DARK outside today). The thing that happened next will stay with me for the rest of my life.
She took a swig of her Natty Light.
WHO DRINKS NATTY LIGHT AT 1:30PM ON WEDNESDAY WHILE DRIVING ON 29? If you're gonna drink...midday...in your car...while driving...why not drink Miller Lite? Or at least something that costs more than a Big Mac combo per six pack. ASSHOLES.
Monday, April 17, 2006
Alrighty,
This has been a long time coming. I WAS waiting for hell to freeze over, but since Jelani passed the bar, I figured I'd ride that particular blue moon into the sunset.
For my (our) 18th or so "Moving Extravaganza," we figured we'd hire movers to make the process easier. It didn't. I previously mentioned something about inferior intellect. Below I will outline just a few of the things assaulting my sanity and turning me into a bumbling idiot.
Let's look back to late February:
The buyer's (sketchy and biased) appraisal came in 12K lower than the purchase price. We had to purchase our own (unbiased) appraisal that worked out just fine. Everything else in our old neighborhood is now selling for 10K MORE than we sold for last month.
March 14th:
Termite inspection? What's that? Oh, we need one before closing tomorrow?
~March 30th:
Lowes actually sells products that had been previously returned for a lack of proper parts and hardware. F'ers.
and so on:
Despite having movers, we still took at least 10 back and forth trips to the old house. The movers f'd up at least two items and our brand new carpet. They also took their sweet a$$ time moving stuff into the truck.
It rained about 5 minutes after the first time we watered the lawn.
Spiders.
The post office charges $1 for you to change your address online. WTF?
The heat pump was broken for at least 3 days. On one of those days there was a high of 80 or so and a low of 35.
The people we hired to clean the old house required backup cleaning. Unfortunately, we hadn't hired backup cleaners for the first string cleaners.
Directv hadn't changed my address. F'ing idiots.
Sprint is charging me a fee that I don't want to pay.
Charlottesville charges for trash pickup (per bag/per can). Charlottesville's taxes are about 30 cents higher than the county's (where you have to pay for pickup through a private firm that always takes all of your trash). Charlottesville WILL NOT PICK UP TRASH ON OUR NEW STREET. I PAY TAXES TO CHARLOTTESVILLE. BFI failed to pick up my trash after I hired them as a private firm! FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!
My wife WILL NOT STOP injuring herself.
To top it all off, my guest room sink is leaking. I'm just glad my master bedroom shower isn't leaking through the floor like my neighbor's is.
With all of that said, it takes 9-10 minutes to get Mrs. B to work every morning. That's down from 20-30. It takes 5 minutes for me to get home for lunch. That's down from 20-25. It takes 12 minutes or so to get home from picking Mrs. B up. That's down from 30-35. I guess it's not so bad. Mrs. B really is great when she's not running into things and despite being in the city, we have a fine "country" view.
This has been a long time coming. I WAS waiting for hell to freeze over, but since Jelani passed the bar, I figured I'd ride that particular blue moon into the sunset.
For my (our) 18th or so "Moving Extravaganza," we figured we'd hire movers to make the process easier. It didn't. I previously mentioned something about inferior intellect. Below I will outline just a few of the things assaulting my sanity and turning me into a bumbling idiot.
Let's look back to late February:
The buyer's (sketchy and biased) appraisal came in 12K lower than the purchase price. We had to purchase our own (unbiased) appraisal that worked out just fine. Everything else in our old neighborhood is now selling for 10K MORE than we sold for last month.
March 14th:
Termite inspection? What's that? Oh, we need one before closing tomorrow?
~March 30th:
Lowes actually sells products that had been previously returned for a lack of proper parts and hardware. F'ers.
and so on:
Despite having movers, we still took at least 10 back and forth trips to the old house. The movers f'd up at least two items and our brand new carpet. They also took their sweet a$$ time moving stuff into the truck.
It rained about 5 minutes after the first time we watered the lawn.
Spiders.
The post office charges $1 for you to change your address online. WTF?
The heat pump was broken for at least 3 days. On one of those days there was a high of 80 or so and a low of 35.
The people we hired to clean the old house required backup cleaning. Unfortunately, we hadn't hired backup cleaners for the first string cleaners.
Directv hadn't changed my address. F'ing idiots.
Sprint is charging me a fee that I don't want to pay.
Charlottesville charges for trash pickup (per bag/per can). Charlottesville's taxes are about 30 cents higher than the county's (where you have to pay for pickup through a private firm that always takes all of your trash). Charlottesville WILL NOT PICK UP TRASH ON OUR NEW STREET. I PAY TAXES TO CHARLOTTESVILLE. BFI failed to pick up my trash after I hired them as a private firm! FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!
My wife WILL NOT STOP injuring herself.
To top it all off, my guest room sink is leaking. I'm just glad my master bedroom shower isn't leaking through the floor like my neighbor's is.
With all of that said, it takes 9-10 minutes to get Mrs. B to work every morning. That's down from 20-30. It takes 5 minutes for me to get home for lunch. That's down from 20-25. It takes 12 minutes or so to get home from picking Mrs. B up. That's down from 30-35. I guess it's not so bad. Mrs. B really is great when she's not running into things and despite being in the city, we have a fine "country" view.
CONGRATULATIONS JELANI!!!!!!
I'm sorry, I know you wanted people to look it up, and they still can, but I couldn't contain myself. CONGRATS!
Now get up here so we can celebrate!
P.S. When I first clicked on the link, I went and looked up 99850. But I realized, of course, that I must've gotten it wrong.
I'm sorry, I know you wanted people to look it up, and they still can, but I couldn't contain myself. CONGRATS!
Now get up here so we can celebrate!
P.S. When I first clicked on the link, I went and looked up 99850. But I realized, of course, that I must've gotten it wrong.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
01-02-03-04-05-06 Tomorrow!
The is actually the dumbest article ever because this will occur again next month in those part of the world who put their day first (everywhere but the US).
Article
The is actually the dumbest article ever because this will occur again next month in those part of the world who put their day first (everywhere but the US).
Article
Saturday, March 25, 2006
A conversation heard in the health food store today between a 4-6 year old kid and his parent:
Kid: Dad, what Tofu-key?
Dad: That's Tofurkey.
Kid: Ok.
Pause
Kid: (pulling on Dad's shorts) What's Tofurkey?
Dad: It's Tofu.
Kid: So why not just call it Tofu?
Dad: Because it taste like turkey.
Kid: So why not call it Turkey?
Dad: Because it's tofu flavored turkey.
Kid: What's that?
Dad: It's tofu that taste like turkey.
Kid: (grimmacing) Who would want to eat that?
Dad: It's for people who say they are vegetarian, but still want to eat turkey.
Kid: Why don't they just eat turkey?
Dad: Because they are vegetarian.
Kid: Does it taste good?
Dad: Yep, it taste like turkey.
Kid: Can we get some?
Dad: No.
As I watched this conversation, I started to wonder if I ever had that conversation with my mother. If I did, it would go something like this:
JB: What this is?
Mom: That's "What is this?"
JB: So why does it say (sounding it out) To-fur-key
Mom: Because that's what it is.
JB: You said it was "What is this."
Mom: No, I was correcting your speech.
JB: Oh. What this is?
Mom: What is it?
JB: Yes
Mom: No, what is it?
JB: That's what I asked.
Mom: No, you asked "What this is?" I said say, What is it?
JB: Ok. What is it?
Mom: (snatching the package out of my hands) None of your business. Now put it down.
When I think about, it explains alot.
Kid: Dad, what Tofu-key?
Dad: That's Tofurkey.
Kid: Ok.
Pause
Kid: (pulling on Dad's shorts) What's Tofurkey?
Dad: It's Tofu.
Kid: So why not just call it Tofu?
Dad: Because it taste like turkey.
Kid: So why not call it Turkey?
Dad: Because it's tofu flavored turkey.
Kid: What's that?
Dad: It's tofu that taste like turkey.
Kid: (grimmacing) Who would want to eat that?
Dad: It's for people who say they are vegetarian, but still want to eat turkey.
Kid: Why don't they just eat turkey?
Dad: Because they are vegetarian.
Kid: Does it taste good?
Dad: Yep, it taste like turkey.
Kid: Can we get some?
Dad: No.
As I watched this conversation, I started to wonder if I ever had that conversation with my mother. If I did, it would go something like this:
JB: What this is?
Mom: That's "What is this?"
JB: So why does it say (sounding it out) To-fur-key
Mom: Because that's what it is.
JB: You said it was "What is this."
Mom: No, I was correcting your speech.
JB: Oh. What this is?
Mom: What is it?
JB: Yes
Mom: No, what is it?
JB: That's what I asked.
Mom: No, you asked "What this is?" I said say, What is it?
JB: Ok. What is it?
Mom: (snatching the package out of my hands) None of your business. Now put it down.
When I think about, it explains alot.
Monday, March 20, 2006
A Lesson Before Blogging
Rule #3: You may not curse, at least not outright. This includes the b-word, the f-word, the s-word, the c-word, the w-word, the p-word, and the r-word. If you'd like to curse, you must do so creatively, replacing the "bad" word with something more interesting.
Oh, and before I forget, I wanted to direct everyone's attention to this article, about which all I have to say is: It's about damn time.
Rule #3: You may not curse, at least not outright. This includes the b-word, the f-word, the s-word, the c-word, the w-word, the p-word, and the r-word. If you'd like to curse, you must do so creatively, replacing the "bad" word with something more interesting.
Oh, and before I forget, I wanted to direct everyone's attention to this article, about which all I have to say is: It's about damn time.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
It hasn't been this quiet since E.F. Hutton last spoke. There has got to be some sort of theological or political debate being neglected here. My inferior intelligence doesn't allow me to delve into such topics, but someone could at least provide me with some good humor.
Q. Why is John's intelligence inferior?
A. This alone could be the topic of spirited debate. Don't worry, I'm just inferior this week. Next week I'll be average again. I'll post more on this issue when my house is actually sold.
Q. Why is John's intelligence inferior?
A. This alone could be the topic of spirited debate. Don't worry, I'm just inferior this week. Next week I'll be average again. I'll post more on this issue when my house is actually sold.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Congratulations to Margaret as she takes her first steps to becoming a Double Hoo. Of course, a 3rd diploma will throw off the balance on the "Wall of Giant Diplomas."
Friday, March 03, 2006
A Lesson Before Blogging
Rule #2 - This is a friendly blog. This means that you may not bash others, or participate in name-calling, or deride others' opinions. Even if they're Republican. For example, you may NOT say that anyone who supports Bush is an idiot, or that the Republican party is full of evil, brainless spin-machines who will take any piece of information and try to make it sound like it reflects well on this administration. This is explicitly verboten!
(No, really, but seriously, are you flarking kidding me?)
Coming soon: Rule #3, regarding creative cursing.
Rule #2 - This is a friendly blog. This means that you may not bash others, or participate in name-calling, or deride others' opinions. Even if they're Republican. For example, you may NOT say that anyone who supports Bush is an idiot, or that the Republican party is full of evil, brainless spin-machines who will take any piece of information and try to make it sound like it reflects well on this administration. This is explicitly verboten!
(No, really, but seriously, are you flarking kidding me?)
Coming soon: Rule #3, regarding creative cursing.
Monday, February 27, 2006
Update:
It is perfectly permissible to post informational links; for example, I would like to let everyone know that if you have someone that you would like to nominate for his or her excellence in teaching, now is the time.
It is perfectly permissible to post informational links; for example, I would like to let everyone know that if you have someone that you would like to nominate for his or her excellence in teaching, now is the time.
Sunday, February 26, 2006
A Lesson Before Blogging
Ladies and Gentlemen, there has been a dearth of blogging recently. My fear is that no one is posting for fear of violating the blogging rules. So, over the next few days, I will be posting the Official Blogging Rules, so that there are no questions or concerns about what is questionable or concerning.
Rule #1 - This blog is a tasteful blog. We will not, therefore, allow posts that exist solely to make fun of someone's name, simply because it seems dirty. Got it? No making fun of names, and no posting to dirty-ish things, like this.
Ladies and Gentlemen, there has been a dearth of blogging recently. My fear is that no one is posting for fear of violating the blogging rules. So, over the next few days, I will be posting the Official Blogging Rules, so that there are no questions or concerns about what is questionable or concerning.
Rule #1 - This blog is a tasteful blog. We will not, therefore, allow posts that exist solely to make fun of someone's name, simply because it seems dirty. Got it? No making fun of names, and no posting to dirty-ish things, like this.
Monday, February 13, 2006
Hmm,
I went in for a sleep study and I couldn't sleep. Even worse, I had to potty five times. Technician's response: "I've never seen that in someone your age." Does anyone else think that not sleeping as a result of anxiety about not sleeping is unfair?
If you've never done a sleep study, here's the issue. You're hooked up to a bunch of electrodes to monitor your heart rate, breathing, eye movement, etc. Need I say more? There's nothing in life quite like being uplinked by parallel port. Everytime I had to tinkle, I had to take my cords and my uplink with me. I had an uplink baggie.
I have sleep apnea. Which isn't really news. Especially if you've ever slept in the same room with me. This is the third sleep study that I've had and each one has said the same thing. Well, the last two have at least. I probably haven't had a full night of sleep in 20 years.
I'm going to have to sleep with a CPAP machine blowing air up my nose. I can only dream that it will help me be less tired, less irritable and smarter (ok, just more coherent). Last time, the thought of having a mask on my face while sleeping kinda freaked me out. This time, it freaks me out, but I'm too tired to argue.
I went in for a sleep study and I couldn't sleep. Even worse, I had to potty five times. Technician's response: "I've never seen that in someone your age." Does anyone else think that not sleeping as a result of anxiety about not sleeping is unfair?
If you've never done a sleep study, here's the issue. You're hooked up to a bunch of electrodes to monitor your heart rate, breathing, eye movement, etc. Need I say more? There's nothing in life quite like being uplinked by parallel port. Everytime I had to tinkle, I had to take my cords and my uplink with me. I had an uplink baggie.
I have sleep apnea. Which isn't really news. Especially if you've ever slept in the same room with me. This is the third sleep study that I've had and each one has said the same thing. Well, the last two have at least. I probably haven't had a full night of sleep in 20 years.
I'm going to have to sleep with a CPAP machine blowing air up my nose. I can only dream that it will help me be less tired, less irritable and smarter (ok, just more coherent). Last time, the thought of having a mask on my face while sleeping kinda freaked me out. This time, it freaks me out, but I'm too tired to argue.
Monday, February 06, 2006
IMPRESSIVE NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I finished 31st in my class.
OTHER INFORMATION (that will surely ruin the impressiveness)
1. Thanx to the school's cruel grading system, (not my lack of sobriety, effort, time or care to give a damn) my GPA was a "decent" 2.7ish.
2. Most law schools have a B - B+ curve, but my school shaves off the bottom 10% and gives them the "It's time to consider another career" speech (not to be confused with the "It's time to consider legal-related jobs" speech that people get when they fail the bar exam - I hope never to have to hear that speech).
3. There were only 63 people in my December Graduating class compared to the 237 that graduated last May and the 300+ that will graduate this coming May.
MY REPONSE AFTER LEARNING THIS INFORMATION
An excited, "Wow! Somebody did worst than me?" Followed by a snickering, "Poor bastards."
LASTLY
The bar is coming. Hide your heart girl.
If there are any misspellings or grammatical errors in this entry, please send them to Helen Waite.
I finished 31st in my class.
OTHER INFORMATION (that will surely ruin the impressiveness)
1. Thanx to the school's cruel grading system, (not my lack of sobriety, effort, time or care to give a damn) my GPA was a "decent" 2.7ish.
2. Most law schools have a B - B+ curve, but my school shaves off the bottom 10% and gives them the "It's time to consider another career" speech (not to be confused with the "It's time to consider legal-related jobs" speech that people get when they fail the bar exam - I hope never to have to hear that speech).
3. There were only 63 people in my December Graduating class compared to the 237 that graduated last May and the 300+ that will graduate this coming May.
MY REPONSE AFTER LEARNING THIS INFORMATION
An excited, "Wow! Somebody did worst than me?" Followed by a snickering, "Poor bastards."
LASTLY
The bar is coming. Hide your heart girl.
If there are any misspellings or grammatical errors in this entry, please send them to Helen Waite.
Lesson Of The Day
If you're driving drunk, and you hit someone, just drive away. You'll only get a $50 fine for leaving the scene of an accident, which is far better than the consequences of a DUI. Right? This is what I learned today.
Oh, and I also learned that this is considered a "pretty clean" record:
Albemarle County
EXPIRED REGISTRATION
01/06/06 10:30AM
Complied with Law
EXPIRED INSPECTION
01/06/06 10:30AM
Guilty
SP. 74/55
Infraction
04/28/00
Prepaid
DRIVE SUSPENDED
Misdemeanor
04/28/00
Guilty
FAIL TO APPEAR/SUSP
Capias
04/28/00
Guilty
Charlottesville City
SUSPENDED OL
Misdemeanor
01/04/01
Guilty
SPEEDING 41/25
Infraction
01/04/01
Dismissed
DRIV UNDER REVO/SUSP
Misdemeanor
06/26/01
Appealed
SPEEDING 41/25
Infraction
06/26/01
Nolle Prosequi
Plaintiff: COMMONWEALTH OF VIRG
Other
04/06/01
Other Judgment
Fluvanna County
59/45
Infraction
01/27/03
Guilty
SEAT BELT VIOLATION
Infraction
01/27/03
Guilty
Greene County
PUBLIC SWEARING/INTO
Misdemeanor
03/12/03
Dismissed
Lynchburg
SPEEDING 67/35
Infraction
05/25/99
Guilty in Absentia
TRESPASSING
Misdemeanor
02/23/96
Not Guilty
POSSESSION OF MARIJU
Misdemeanor
08/28/00
Guilty
D.U.I.
Misdemeanor
08/28/00
Guilty
DRIVE SUSPENDED
Infraction
08/28/00
Guilty
POSSESS MARIJUANA
Misdemeanor
10/15/96
Nolle Prosequi
FAIL TO STOP FOR A L
Infraction
10/15/97
Guilty in Absentia
Warrant in Debt
12/15/97
Not Found/Unserved
Plaintiff: CITY OF LYNCHBURG
Other
07/10/00
Other Judgment
Plaintiff: COMMONWEALTH OF VIRG
Interrogatory / Judge
03/13/98
Plaintiff: COMMONWEALTH OF VIRG
Interrogatory / Judge
11/05/99
Campbell County
FAIL STOP AT RED LIG
Infraction
12/20/96
Nolle Prosequi
POSS MARIJUANA/2ND O
Felony
12/20/96
Guilty
CONCEALED WEAPON
Misdemeanor
12/20/96
Guilty
Plaintiff: COUNTY OF CAMPBELL
Warrant in Debt
08/22/01
Dismissed
Plaintiff: COUNTY OF CAMPBELL
Warrant in Debt
06/22/98
Dismissed
If you're driving drunk, and you hit someone, just drive away. You'll only get a $50 fine for leaving the scene of an accident, which is far better than the consequences of a DUI. Right? This is what I learned today.
Oh, and I also learned that this is considered a "pretty clean" record:
Albemarle County
EXPIRED REGISTRATION
01/06/06 10:30AM
Complied with Law
EXPIRED INSPECTION
01/06/06 10:30AM
Guilty
SP. 74/55
Infraction
04/28/00
Prepaid
DRIVE SUSPENDED
Misdemeanor
04/28/00
Guilty
FAIL TO APPEAR/SUSP
Capias
04/28/00
Guilty
Charlottesville City
SUSPENDED OL
Misdemeanor
01/04/01
Guilty
SPEEDING 41/25
Infraction
01/04/01
Dismissed
DRIV UNDER REVO/SUSP
Misdemeanor
06/26/01
Appealed
SPEEDING 41/25
Infraction
06/26/01
Nolle Prosequi
Plaintiff: COMMONWEALTH OF VIRG
Other
04/06/01
Other Judgment
Fluvanna County
59/45
Infraction
01/27/03
Guilty
SEAT BELT VIOLATION
Infraction
01/27/03
Guilty
Greene County
PUBLIC SWEARING/INTO
Misdemeanor
03/12/03
Dismissed
Lynchburg
SPEEDING 67/35
Infraction
05/25/99
Guilty in Absentia
TRESPASSING
Misdemeanor
02/23/96
Not Guilty
POSSESSION OF MARIJU
Misdemeanor
08/28/00
Guilty
D.U.I.
Misdemeanor
08/28/00
Guilty
DRIVE SUSPENDED
Infraction
08/28/00
Guilty
POSSESS MARIJUANA
Misdemeanor
10/15/96
Nolle Prosequi
FAIL TO STOP FOR A L
Infraction
10/15/97
Guilty in Absentia
Warrant in Debt
12/15/97
Not Found/Unserved
Plaintiff: CITY OF LYNCHBURG
Other
07/10/00
Other Judgment
Plaintiff: COMMONWEALTH OF VIRG
Interrogatory / Judge
03/13/98
Plaintiff: COMMONWEALTH OF VIRG
Interrogatory / Judge
11/05/99
Campbell County
FAIL STOP AT RED LIG
Infraction
12/20/96
Nolle Prosequi
POSS MARIJUANA/2ND O
Felony
12/20/96
Guilty
CONCEALED WEAPON
Misdemeanor
12/20/96
Guilty
Plaintiff: COUNTY OF CAMPBELL
Warrant in Debt
08/22/01
Dismissed
Plaintiff: COUNTY OF CAMPBELL
Warrant in Debt
06/22/98
Dismissed
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