If you haven't read this you should. If you have read this, you should read it again.
Jelani A. Berry
Assistant Public Defender
First Judicial Circuit
1-A 9th Avenue
Shalimar Florida 32579
ph: 850.651.7369
fax: 850.651.7356
To: former Floridians, current Floridians, future Floridians, and/or those who know a Floridian.
We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any day now, you're going to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to some radar blob out in the Gulf of Mexico and making two basic meteorological points:
(1) There is no need to panic.
(2) We could all be killed.
Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Florida. If you're new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one." Based on our experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness plan:
STEP 1. Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least three days.
STEP 2. Put these supplies into your car.
STEP 3. Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Thanksgiving.
Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in Florida.
So we'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:
HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE: If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance. Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets two basic requirements:
(1) It is reasonably well-built, and
(2) It is located in Nebraska.
Unfortunately, if your home is located in Florida, or any other area that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance business in the first place (but remember, you “are in good hands”).
So you'll have to scrounge around for an insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to the replacement value of your house. At any moment, “like a good neighbor”, this company can drop you like used dental floss.
Since Hurricane Andrew, I have had an estimated 27 different home-insurance companies. This week, I'm covered by the Bob and Big Stan’s Insurance Company, under a policy which states that, in addition to my premium, Bob and Big Stan are entitled, on demand, to my kidneys – but I am “in good hands”.
SHUTTERS: Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all the doors, and -- if it's a major hurricane -- all the toilets. There are several types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages.
Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them yourself, they're cheap. The disadvantage is that, because you make them yourself, they will fall off.
Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well, once you get them all up. The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December.
Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will have to sell your house to pay for them.
"Hurricane-proof'' windows: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because the salesman says so. He lives in Nebraska.
"Hurricane Proofing Your Property: As the hurricane approaches, check your yard for movable objects like barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture, visiting relatives, etc. You should, as a precaution, throw these items into your swimming pool (if you don't have a swimming pool, you should have one built immediately). Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects into deadly missiles.
EVACUATION ROUTE: If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your driver's license; if it says "Florida" you live in a low-lying area.) The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along with two hundred thousand other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.
HURRICANE SUPPLIES: If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy them now! Florida tradition requires that you wait until the last possible minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM.
In addition to food and water, you will need the following supplies:
23 flashlights. At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the power goes out, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.
Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the bleach is for. But it's traditional, so GET some!)
A 55-gallon drum of underarm deodorant.
A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a hurricane, but it looks cool.)
A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask anybody who went through Andrew; after the hurricane, there WILL be irate alligators.)
$35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.
Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers standing right next to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean.
Good luck and remember: it's great living in paradise! Those of you who aren't here yet you should come. Really
Beantown, cont'd
Tuesday was great - Oh Bee Juan had conference stuff all day, but I got to walk around Boston. The people here are interesting. Busy all the time - like your stereotypical Northerner, I guess - but not rude, and not very personable at first, but very friendly once you're in a conversation. Anyway, I did some reading and some walking around, window-shopped, and found some restaurants. Then last night we met up with Rob & his sister for dinner and karaoke. Yes, karaoke. The quality of the karaoke was pretty high, but Oh Bee Juan still blew everyone else away. Oh, and the Sox lost, and Miami won. %$#& Dallas.
After karaoke, we stopped by this open-mic jam thingy at Avalon. I got hit on three times while Oh Bee Juan was onstage. Par for the course when the crowd is only 10% female (at most), I suppose.
We were out pretty late last night, so I slept in today - by the way, the bed in this hotel is fantastic. Really fluffy - down pillows, down comforter, and a really THICK mattress topper that I think is down. It's just fantastic. I was going to go to the MFA today but it turns out it's not free all day - only in the evening. I'll see if Oh Bee Juan wants to go tonight. I'll be honest, I'm really just enjoying sleeping in and reading and walking around and not really having a schedule!
Tuesday was great - Oh Bee Juan had conference stuff all day, but I got to walk around Boston. The people here are interesting. Busy all the time - like your stereotypical Northerner, I guess - but not rude, and not very personable at first, but very friendly once you're in a conversation. Anyway, I did some reading and some walking around, window-shopped, and found some restaurants. Then last night we met up with Rob & his sister for dinner and karaoke. Yes, karaoke. The quality of the karaoke was pretty high, but Oh Bee Juan still blew everyone else away. Oh, and the Sox lost, and Miami won. %$#& Dallas.
After karaoke, we stopped by this open-mic jam thingy at Avalon. I got hit on three times while Oh Bee Juan was onstage. Par for the course when the crowd is only 10% female (at most), I suppose.
We were out pretty late last night, so I slept in today - by the way, the bed in this hotel is fantastic. Really fluffy - down pillows, down comforter, and a really THICK mattress topper that I think is down. It's just fantastic. I was going to go to the MFA today but it turns out it's not free all day - only in the evening. I'll see if Oh Bee Juan wants to go tonight. I'll be honest, I'm really just enjoying sleeping in and reading and walking around and not really having a schedule!
Monday, June 12, 2006
Welcome to Beantown
Well, I still don't know why it's called Beantown, or exactly why there are artfully decorated cows everywhere, but we're in Boston! We had a short and uneventful plane trip, during which we learned that JetBlue is the best airline ever. Seriously. The plane only had two seats on each side of the aisle (which makes SO MUCH MORE SENSE than having three), and we had a lot more legroom than on USAir or United - it doesn't seem like much, but I'd bet we had at least 5 more inches of legroom, which makes all the difference in the world. Each seat has its own little screen for movies and TV, and there's satellite TV with 40 channels or something. Easy check-in, nice staff, everything was great.
Our friend and fellow blog member Rob picked us up from the airport and took us to a great diner for breakfast, then gave us a driving tour of the city. Then we went and walked around Harvard and took some pictures. Went to a used bookstore run by a very nice (but slightly crazy) man and had our pictures taken in front of Dewey, Cheetham, & Howe (the Cartalk guys' office). We had calamari and drinks at John Harvard's - Oh Bee Juan and Rob each had 5 beers at 2 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ok, each of the beers was only 3 oz...
When we got back in the car, I passed the hell out. I don' t know why flying is so exhausting, but it is. Maybe it's just travel in general. So Oh Bee Juan and I went back to the hotel with the intention of resting, but I spent 2 hours on the phone with USAir. Don't ask.
We got groceries across the street so that we have snacks and some lunches in the room, and then Rob came by the hotel and we all had dinner at a little pizza place around the corner. Then we got on the T (that's Bostonian for "the train") and went to the Green stop (on the Orange line) to visit an old (okay, not that old) avp guy. Had a good time, and caught the last T - er, train - back to the hotel at midnight.
Oh Bee Juan got up this morning and went to conference stuff, but I got to sleep in! Got up and took a cab to the airport to finish our business with USAir. Again, don't ask. Took a cab back to the hotel, and the cabbie very helpfully told me that the Museum of Fine Arts is free on Wednesdays. I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do this week - I'll probably go to the aquarium, and the Museum of Fine Arts, and maybe the Gardner Museum. There's also the Science Museum, and lots of stuff to just walk around and take pictures of and enjoy the scenery. There's a Train concert at Fenway park on Thursday night. It's going to be a fun week!
Well, I still don't know why it's called Beantown, or exactly why there are artfully decorated cows everywhere, but we're in Boston! We had a short and uneventful plane trip, during which we learned that JetBlue is the best airline ever. Seriously. The plane only had two seats on each side of the aisle (which makes SO MUCH MORE SENSE than having three), and we had a lot more legroom than on USAir or United - it doesn't seem like much, but I'd bet we had at least 5 more inches of legroom, which makes all the difference in the world. Each seat has its own little screen for movies and TV, and there's satellite TV with 40 channels or something. Easy check-in, nice staff, everything was great.
Our friend and fellow blog member Rob picked us up from the airport and took us to a great diner for breakfast, then gave us a driving tour of the city. Then we went and walked around Harvard and took some pictures. Went to a used bookstore run by a very nice (but slightly crazy) man and had our pictures taken in front of Dewey, Cheetham, & Howe (the Cartalk guys' office). We had calamari and drinks at John Harvard's - Oh Bee Juan and Rob each had 5 beers at 2 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ok, each of the beers was only 3 oz...
When we got back in the car, I passed the hell out. I don' t know why flying is so exhausting, but it is. Maybe it's just travel in general. So Oh Bee Juan and I went back to the hotel with the intention of resting, but I spent 2 hours on the phone with USAir. Don't ask.
We got groceries across the street so that we have snacks and some lunches in the room, and then Rob came by the hotel and we all had dinner at a little pizza place around the corner. Then we got on the T (that's Bostonian for "the train") and went to the Green stop (on the Orange line) to visit an old (okay, not that old) avp guy. Had a good time, and caught the last T - er, train - back to the hotel at midnight.
Oh Bee Juan got up this morning and went to conference stuff, but I got to sleep in! Got up and took a cab to the airport to finish our business with USAir. Again, don't ask. Took a cab back to the hotel, and the cabbie very helpfully told me that the Museum of Fine Arts is free on Wednesdays. I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do this week - I'll probably go to the aquarium, and the Museum of Fine Arts, and maybe the Gardner Museum. There's also the Science Museum, and lots of stuff to just walk around and take pictures of and enjoy the scenery. There's a Train concert at Fenway park on Thursday night. It's going to be a fun week!
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
http://video.msn.com/v/us/msnbc.htm?g=5c9d44c1-07d1-49a8-8bd7-d602da234108&f=00&fg=email
Wow, I could be wrong, but then she could just be totally evil.
Wow, I could be wrong, but then she could just be totally evil.
WP: Bathroom breaks vs. grades? - washingtonpost.com Highlights - MSNBC.com
WTF. I haven't seen this level of bullshit since...wait...this is par for the course.
WTF. I haven't seen this level of bullshit since...wait...this is par for the course.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Well, Z buried this in the comments, but it deserves its own blog entry.
Baby's named a bad, bad thing..
Baby's named a bad, bad thing..
Thursday, May 25, 2006
So,
I just saw James Brown. C'est raison (actually I mean c'est ça ou c'est juste, but I was confused because tu as raison means 'you are right"... f'in French), James Brown. There's absolutely no possibility of seeing James Brown and not having some comments.
...James said lots of stuff we didn't understand.
...James mentioned something about his erection or his manhood before "Sex Machine." Twice.
...The show was an hour and a half long.
...They mistook OUR state for "West Virginia." We booed in typical "Virginia" fashion. I booed at a James Brown concert. I'm ashamed. I also "got up off of that thing."
...I drove through WVa once for a conference with a bus full of black people once. A "West Virginian" asked if we were a "basketball team."
...At least they said they were in "Charlottesville." Maybe they thought it was Charleston?
...I believe James Brown is from Macon, where "You ain't from around here..."
...A woman at Rapture said, "They don't call him the Grandfather of Soul for nothing!"
...Smacking the woman at Rapture would have been a cliche.
...James Brown is old.
..."Armeggedon the Musical" is inferior.
...James Brown is old.
...Seeing James Brown in his 70's might be like seeing Jordan with the Wizards. So he didn't win a championship with them, it's f'in Jordan man.
...There were no splits.
...There were 10 people in the band, 4 backup singers, 1 "guest" singer with very red hair, 2 Soul Train dancers (ex-Laker Girls), and 3 other random guys. That makes 21 people on stage at the height of the show.
...Man, he's old.
...He didn't not perform "The Payback."
...Can I count it off?
...Germans LOVE David Hasselhoff.
I just saw James Brown. C'est raison (actually I mean c'est ça ou c'est juste, but I was confused because tu as raison means 'you are right"... f'in French), James Brown. There's absolutely no possibility of seeing James Brown and not having some comments.
...James said lots of stuff we didn't understand.
...James mentioned something about his erection or his manhood before "Sex Machine." Twice.
...The show was an hour and a half long.
...They mistook OUR state for "West Virginia." We booed in typical "Virginia" fashion. I booed at a James Brown concert. I'm ashamed. I also "got up off of that thing."
...I drove through WVa once for a conference with a bus full of black people once. A "West Virginian" asked if we were a "basketball team."
...At least they said they were in "Charlottesville." Maybe they thought it was Charleston?
...I believe James Brown is from Macon, where "You ain't from around here..."
...A woman at Rapture said, "They don't call him the Grandfather of Soul for nothing!"
...Smacking the woman at Rapture would have been a cliche.
...James Brown is old.
..."Armeggedon the Musical" is inferior.
...James Brown is old.
...Seeing James Brown in his 70's might be like seeing Jordan with the Wizards. So he didn't win a championship with them, it's f'in Jordan man.
...There were no splits.
...There were 10 people in the band, 4 backup singers, 1 "guest" singer with very red hair, 2 Soul Train dancers (ex-Laker Girls), and 3 other random guys. That makes 21 people on stage at the height of the show.
...Man, he's old.
...He didn't not perform "The Payback."
...Can I count it off?
...Germans LOVE David Hasselhoff.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
For those of you who don't have time to watch the American Idol finale tonight, not to worry - I'm here for you! I'll keep you updated. It's almost as good as TiVo!
Here we go...
The 2-hour season finale? Seriously? It’s not one hour – it’s two? Jesus Christ.
Hm, no intro to the show, just Carrie. And Taylor. Gee, way to broadcast the results, guys. Show last year’s winner, then this year’s. Good job. Oh yeah, and there’s Kat. Whatever.
Am I a bad person for not liking Katharine? I even hate the way she spells her name. I know, I’m a bad person.
Weird, segment one of the AI finals, and no Ryan at all. Was he in the potty when they got started?
There’s Ryan! Gee, he could’ve shaved. This is the Big Night and all.
Ben Stiller and Heather Locklear! Are they dating or something? Wasn’t she dating David Spade? Can’t she do better than that?
Do we really need to meet the judges again at this point? Yes, Randy says “dude” a lot. And Paula is an emotional drunkard, and Simon is a jerk. A jerk who really likes his own lips. And is sporting a nice jacket, a sharp shirt, and a lot of chest hair tonight.
Soul patrol! McPheever! Drink!
Ahh, the hot twins. Hi, hot twins. How are you doing? Nice to see you, hot twins.
Paris. Nice. Ok. I don’t really have anything to say about this.
Ooh, I just can’t wait to see “So you think you can dance” – and not only because it lacks any punctuation.
Chris and Live. Interesting, two bald lead singers. How will we tell them apart?
Ha, Ryan just said “which is which?” Ha.
Ryan is making fun of Kellie Pickler. This is GREAT. Puck and Pickler. I love it.
Okay, the segment isn’t that funny. Mostly…just…sad. Yes, Kellie, glasses will make everyone take you seriously. Eat your ESS-CAR-GOTTEE and be quiet.
Wow, Meatloaf sounds awful. And, quite franky, looks awful. Standing next to Kat doesn’t help him. And his being a complete melodramatic freak doesn’t help either. He looks like he might kill Kat. Run, Kat, Run!!
Am I the only woman who is NOT reassured by the Dove commercials with the flabby pasty women?
Golden Idols? Ha. Way to fill 2 hours, guys.
Best Female Vocalist – remember that awful blond tan thing with the bad fake tan? She was really bad. She learned her awfulness from her mom. Her mom should be sterilized. Sorry. I’m a bad person.
Best Male vocalist – BUT THEY LET THAT FREAK THROUGH TO HOLLYWOOD. SERIOUSLY. WHAT THE HELL?? How surprising, he showed up to accept the award. WHAT A FREAK. QUICK, CUT TO COMMERCIAL.
Puck and Pickler again. Pickler is an idiot. Boil that damn lobster and put it on a plate, please. Actually, if you don’t have any plates, that’s fine. Gimme.
Okay, all the guys are performing. You know, these 5 would make a great boy band. The rocker, the kid, the hick, the pretty boy, the good singer. Perfect. Man. Seeing all these guys together just reminds you how incredibly young Kevin is. Poor little guy.
The AI videos are stupid. Although Taylor does move like a parrot.
A free Mustang convertible. Who cares? Tell us who won!!
Another Golden Idol. Proudest family moment. Awww. Clearly Elliot’s mom has to win this one. She made me cry! I mean, she made people cry. Other people. Not me. And McPhee’s dad is a big sap that no man could possibly respect. And Chris’s wife lost me with the “like” in “because he’s, like, given me and my kids so much.” Woohoo for Elliot’s mom!
Elliot is singing “One” – I love this song! This is great! Yeah for violins! Wait, is U2 about to sing? Seriously? They got U2?
No, they got Mary J Blige. Uh, ok. Whatever. This sucks. What the hell is wrong with her? Take off those stupid glasses and quit ruining this song.
Carrie Underwood at least has the sense to not roll around on the floor when she doesn’t want to stand the whole time. Blah, blah, country, blah blah.
Um, what is wrong with Toni Braxton? Seriously? Is anyone else seeing this? Is she singing? What’s wrong with her? Is she too busy lusting after Taylor to enunciate or project into the mic, or….what the hell? Boys and girls, don’t do drugs.
Girls’ song. Ha. W-O-M-A-N. They should NOT have chosen a song with spelling in it. Pickler looks uncomfortable.
Are they really letting the Clay wannabe sing? Wait, is that Elton? No, it’s Clay. Clay, looking like Peewee Herman. The Clay wannabe is in shock.
Okay, Lisa Tucker is really funny-looking. There, I said it. I’m a bad person.
Ha ha ha. Pussycat, pussycat. Poor Kevin.
Dione Warwick? I wonder if she knew she was going to be on this show.
I also wonder who’s had more to drink tonight, me or Paula. Oh, who am I kidding. I’m a lightweight.
Male bonding. It’s not as risqué as they make it sound. Okay, with this soundtrack, maybe it is. Aww, remember the Brokenote Mountain guys? That was funny. The first time.
I’m confused. Ryan said we were done with performances, that we were gonna have results. Then, with no introduction, Prince. Or whatever he’s called now. Is he our new American Idol? Hm. It seems like his two dancers had about 15 minutes before the show to work out their routine.
Results. For the love of God, just tell us that Taylor won and let us go to bed. We’re tired. We’re sick of singing. We’re a little tipsy. PLEASE, RYAN, PLEASE.
Wow, this is that guy's one chance to be on TV, to hand the envelope to Ryan, and he wears a checked shirt with a dotted tie? Really? Silly paper-pusher.
Of course it's Taylor. Hm. That was kind of anti-climatic. Wow, I still don't like Kat. I'm very glad she just lost. I'm a bad person.
Is that David Hasselhoff? Boy, they sandwiched Taylor's win between Prince and David Hasselhoff. Very nice.
Hm, Taylor did this song better last night. Oh well. Aww, he’s so nice, thanking everyone.
Well, that’s it. This show could’ve been about 15 seconds long, but we made it through 2 hours. Well done, everyone. It’s good to know that I’m not the only one with nothing to do on a Wednesday night. Goodnight!
Here we go...
The 2-hour season finale? Seriously? It’s not one hour – it’s two? Jesus Christ.
Hm, no intro to the show, just Carrie. And Taylor. Gee, way to broadcast the results, guys. Show last year’s winner, then this year’s. Good job. Oh yeah, and there’s Kat. Whatever.
Am I a bad person for not liking Katharine? I even hate the way she spells her name. I know, I’m a bad person.
Weird, segment one of the AI finals, and no Ryan at all. Was he in the potty when they got started?
There’s Ryan! Gee, he could’ve shaved. This is the Big Night and all.
Ben Stiller and Heather Locklear! Are they dating or something? Wasn’t she dating David Spade? Can’t she do better than that?
Do we really need to meet the judges again at this point? Yes, Randy says “dude” a lot. And Paula is an emotional drunkard, and Simon is a jerk. A jerk who really likes his own lips. And is sporting a nice jacket, a sharp shirt, and a lot of chest hair tonight.
Soul patrol! McPheever! Drink!
Ahh, the hot twins. Hi, hot twins. How are you doing? Nice to see you, hot twins.
Paris. Nice. Ok. I don’t really have anything to say about this.
Ooh, I just can’t wait to see “So you think you can dance” – and not only because it lacks any punctuation.
Chris and Live. Interesting, two bald lead singers. How will we tell them apart?
Ha, Ryan just said “which is which?” Ha.
Ryan is making fun of Kellie Pickler. This is GREAT. Puck and Pickler. I love it.
Okay, the segment isn’t that funny. Mostly…just…sad. Yes, Kellie, glasses will make everyone take you seriously. Eat your ESS-CAR-GOTTEE and be quiet.
Wow, Meatloaf sounds awful. And, quite franky, looks awful. Standing next to Kat doesn’t help him. And his being a complete melodramatic freak doesn’t help either. He looks like he might kill Kat. Run, Kat, Run!!
Am I the only woman who is NOT reassured by the Dove commercials with the flabby pasty women?
Golden Idols? Ha. Way to fill 2 hours, guys.
Best Female Vocalist – remember that awful blond tan thing with the bad fake tan? She was really bad. She learned her awfulness from her mom. Her mom should be sterilized. Sorry. I’m a bad person.
Best Male vocalist – BUT THEY LET THAT FREAK THROUGH TO HOLLYWOOD. SERIOUSLY. WHAT THE HELL?? How surprising, he showed up to accept the award. WHAT A FREAK. QUICK, CUT TO COMMERCIAL.
Puck and Pickler again. Pickler is an idiot. Boil that damn lobster and put it on a plate, please. Actually, if you don’t have any plates, that’s fine. Gimme.
Okay, all the guys are performing. You know, these 5 would make a great boy band. The rocker, the kid, the hick, the pretty boy, the good singer. Perfect. Man. Seeing all these guys together just reminds you how incredibly young Kevin is. Poor little guy.
The AI videos are stupid. Although Taylor does move like a parrot.
A free Mustang convertible. Who cares? Tell us who won!!
Another Golden Idol. Proudest family moment. Awww. Clearly Elliot’s mom has to win this one. She made me cry! I mean, she made people cry. Other people. Not me. And McPhee’s dad is a big sap that no man could possibly respect. And Chris’s wife lost me with the “like” in “because he’s, like, given me and my kids so much.” Woohoo for Elliot’s mom!
Elliot is singing “One” – I love this song! This is great! Yeah for violins! Wait, is U2 about to sing? Seriously? They got U2?
No, they got Mary J Blige. Uh, ok. Whatever. This sucks. What the hell is wrong with her? Take off those stupid glasses and quit ruining this song.
Carrie Underwood at least has the sense to not roll around on the floor when she doesn’t want to stand the whole time. Blah, blah, country, blah blah.
Um, what is wrong with Toni Braxton? Seriously? Is anyone else seeing this? Is she singing? What’s wrong with her? Is she too busy lusting after Taylor to enunciate or project into the mic, or….what the hell? Boys and girls, don’t do drugs.
Girls’ song. Ha. W-O-M-A-N. They should NOT have chosen a song with spelling in it. Pickler looks uncomfortable.
Are they really letting the Clay wannabe sing? Wait, is that Elton? No, it’s Clay. Clay, looking like Peewee Herman. The Clay wannabe is in shock.
Okay, Lisa Tucker is really funny-looking. There, I said it. I’m a bad person.
Ha ha ha. Pussycat, pussycat. Poor Kevin.
Dione Warwick? I wonder if she knew she was going to be on this show.
I also wonder who’s had more to drink tonight, me or Paula. Oh, who am I kidding. I’m a lightweight.
Male bonding. It’s not as risqué as they make it sound. Okay, with this soundtrack, maybe it is. Aww, remember the Brokenote Mountain guys? That was funny. The first time.
I’m confused. Ryan said we were done with performances, that we were gonna have results. Then, with no introduction, Prince. Or whatever he’s called now. Is he our new American Idol? Hm. It seems like his two dancers had about 15 minutes before the show to work out their routine.
Results. For the love of God, just tell us that Taylor won and let us go to bed. We’re tired. We’re sick of singing. We’re a little tipsy. PLEASE, RYAN, PLEASE.
Wow, this is that guy's one chance to be on TV, to hand the envelope to Ryan, and he wears a checked shirt with a dotted tie? Really? Silly paper-pusher.
Of course it's Taylor. Hm. That was kind of anti-climatic. Wow, I still don't like Kat. I'm very glad she just lost. I'm a bad person.
Is that David Hasselhoff? Boy, they sandwiched Taylor's win between Prince and David Hasselhoff. Very nice.
Hm, Taylor did this song better last night. Oh well. Aww, he’s so nice, thanking everyone.
Well, that’s it. This show could’ve been about 15 seconds long, but we made it through 2 hours. Well done, everyone. It’s good to know that I’m not the only one with nothing to do on a Wednesday night. Goodnight!
WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT STREET CRED......
...you're talking about... OK, you're not talking about this.
(stolen shamelessly from Dave Barry's blog, because none of you read it)Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Poll Smoking
There's a poll currently in progress, related to my previous post about the accuracy of certain male-centered reporting. You can take the poll, and view the various results. Very interesting.
This week's Gene Weingarten poll (please choose the appropriate door):
Men 34 and Younger
Men 35 and Older
Women 34 and Younger
Women 35 and Older
There's a poll currently in progress, related to my previous post about the accuracy of certain male-centered reporting. You can take the poll, and view the various results. Very interesting.
This week's Gene Weingarten poll (please choose the appropriate door):
Men 34 and Younger
Men 35 and Older
Women 34 and Younger
Women 35 and Older
Sunday, May 21, 2006
The first amendment is not, as it turns out, such a big deal.
From an AP article:
But he [Gonzales] added that the First Amendment right of a free press should not be absolute when it comes to national security. If the government's probe into the NSA leak turns up criminal activity, prosecutors have an "obligation to enforce the law."
What?? The attorney general doesn't think the first amendment is absolute? Really?
Let's take a moment and read the first amendment again:
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
Seems pretty clear to me. If government officials leak classified information, then they have broken the law. Fine, prosecute them. But if a reporter finds out about classified information, then he has every right to publish it. I'm not saying he always should, or that it's always a good idea, or that he doesn't sometimes have a moral and ethical obligation NOT to publish it, but he has the right to publish it. The reporter hasn't broken any laws, the leaker has, and the publishing of that information is protected by the freedom of the press. Congress cannot make a law that abridges the freedom of the press, therefore there cannot be any "obligation to enforce the law" against reporters publishing news. Gonzales is an idiot.
From an AP article:
But he [Gonzales] added that the First Amendment right of a free press should not be absolute when it comes to national security. If the government's probe into the NSA leak turns up criminal activity, prosecutors have an "obligation to enforce the law."
What?? The attorney general doesn't think the first amendment is absolute? Really?
Let's take a moment and read the first amendment again:
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
Seems pretty clear to me. If government officials leak classified information, then they have broken the law. Fine, prosecute them. But if a reporter finds out about classified information, then he has every right to publish it. I'm not saying he always should, or that it's always a good idea, or that he doesn't sometimes have a moral and ethical obligation NOT to publish it, but he has the right to publish it. The reporter hasn't broken any laws, the leaker has, and the publishing of that information is protected by the freedom of the press. Congress cannot make a law that abridges the freedom of the press, therefore there cannot be any "obligation to enforce the law" against reporters publishing news. Gonzales is an idiot.
So, I get the feeling that this is accurate, but I figured I'd double-check with the boys and see. 50-65? A dozen of which.....Really?
Wow,
I just came to the realization that Johnny Drama's character is based on Donnie Wahlberg. Wow.
In any case,
The funniest thing happened coming into the office yesterday. As I walked up to the back door, I spied a squirrel with my bad eyes. I said, "Hey, Mr. Squirrel!" The squirrel attempted to jump up the glass repititively to get away from me. He was trapped.
Eventually, I let him out. It was funny and weird. I'm just glad he decided not to attack and give me rabies. They should make a movie about squirrels attacking. It would be much cuter than the movie about slugs...
I just came to the realization that Johnny Drama's character is based on Donnie Wahlberg. Wow.
In any case,
The funniest thing happened coming into the office yesterday. As I walked up to the back door, I spied a squirrel with my bad eyes. I said, "Hey, Mr. Squirrel!" The squirrel attempted to jump up the glass repititively to get away from me. He was trapped.
Eventually, I let him out. It was funny and weird. I'm just glad he decided not to attack and give me rabies. They should make a movie about squirrels attacking. It would be much cuter than the movie about slugs...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)