The Thinking Minority

I'm glad I don't live in Brazil, since they wouldn't allow me to die there. From the article:

Mayor Roberto Pereira da Silva's proposal to the Town Council asks residents to "take good care of your health in order not to die" and warns that "infractors will be held responsible for their acts."

I suppose the penalty would likely be death without parole.

UPDATE: The jerk's insurance lapsed in July!

For those of you who didn't hear, on November 23rd John and I were rear-ended on the way to work. The woman's insurance paid for the damage and for the rental car, but it was kind of a pain in neck (literally and figuratively). We finally got our car back, fixed, last Friday (a week ago). Since the accident, John and I have both been a little paranoid - you know, looking in the rearview mirror at every stoplight, cringing at every near accident. But we talked about it - I mean, really, what are the chances of getting hit twice in a short period of time?

Tonight, God gave us our answer: 100%.

Yes, that's right, we were rear-ended. Again. But this guy was not so nice as to stop, ask if we were okay, check the damage, call the police, exchange information, etc. Nope. Not this guy. He decided his best course of action would be to drive off.

But we got his plate.

Quit My Job!

Start new one Jan. 9th at Business Objects.
Merry Chrismakwanukkah to me!

I wanted to share something that I thought was funny. Well, we laughed at work. This was a conversation (over email) between Lashawn and me.
Lashawn
Was thinking about making a pot of chili for dinner tomorrow...what do you think?

Me:
Tomorrow is Friday, the sixth day of the week where God created things with the intention of resting on the seventh day most commonly known as Saturday or to the Jews as the Sabbath or "Ha Shabbat", the queen of all Jewish Holydays second only to Yom Kippur, which means Day of Atonement, a day in which Jews repent for all of their sins and attempt to get their lives right with God, the same God that rested on the seventh day, but created things on the sixth day most commonly known as Friday, which happens to be tomorrow.



I am still not sure what's for dinner tomorrow.

On 17 December in the year of our lord 2005 at 1500 hours, I will commence to participate in my commencement to celebrate my completion of my legal education. The commencement of my illegal education is later. Sorry - love machine came on and I had to well...be a love machine. In any event, upon termination of my legal education, nay, my education in chief, I will embark on a journey where studying, crying, praying, drinking, and possible dying and resurrecting will comprise my ultimate preparation to take the only test that will, does and has mattered in my life also known as the [insert your favorite state here] Bar Exam. My only request is that all of you who read this blog should take a shot of your favorite fire juice or my favorite fire juice (tequila) at or about 3pm on 17 December 2005 - even if you don't, I will. Unlike college, but hopefully like the bar exam, I will only graduate from law school once, so this is truly a once in a life time event. Finally, in conclusion of my final thought as I leave you...

So, here's where I admit that my vocabulary is, apparently, not what I thought it was. In studying for the GREs, I've come across a number of words that I didn't know, such as (don't worry, I know them now):

euphonious
nadir
moiety
pusillanimous
chimerical
torpor

And I learned another one today that I should've known: hematoma. Now, I knew it was some condition that had to do with blood, that it was a thing that you got when something went wrong, but actually never knew exactly what it was. Now I know: it's when you go to give blood and they mess up and make your arm hurt A LOT.

Now you know, too.

Wow. No matter how much of a dork I am, at least I never spent $100,000 on a "virtual space station."

Repeat after me: I will not pay real money for things that aren't real. I will not pay real money for things that aren't real. I will not pay real money for things that aren't real...

There's no limit to the blasphemy and curses that I want to scream. Can I fix something without something else breaking or some other idiotic Microsoft "feature" not being uncovered in an untimely manner and not to my advantage?

AW hell.

Yesterday was my nephew's first Halloween!

Happy Birthday, Genevieve!

Surprise, surprise: Bush nominated a conservative white guy.

Libby Indicted

Here's a good reason to keep a collar and tags on your cat.

So, last week there was this article, predicting that Miers would withdraw to "protect executive privilege" - in fact, the only graceful way out of the mess that was her nomination.

Today, we learn that - surprise! - Miers has withdrawn her name, to protect executive privilege. How sweet of her.

Now, here's my question - and I'd love if everyone would answer it by way of commenting - do you think:

A) Bush was just completely blind to all of the problems in nominating Miers, and really did think she'd get confirmed,
2) The administration was setting us up with an awful nomination, so that whoever he nominates next will seem reasonable by comparison,
iii) The administration was attempting to distract us from Iraq, Katrina, Karl Rove, etc, by nominating someone and creating a little controversy before they withdraw her name,
D) They had an idea she might not get confirmed, but had conservatives protest that "we don't know enough about her" so that the Democrats might think she was actually more moderate than she is and maybe confirm her, OR
5) Other: Please explain. Preferably in 5-paragraph essay format.

For some reason, I have two accounts with Friendster. Oh I know, I forgot the first, made the second, remembered the first, and neglected them both. In any event, I have now made friends with myself (pause) (reflect) (snicker) and decided to get a joint horoscope. This is what it said:

You and Jelani have smooth sailing ahead.
In great orchestras, every musician knows their part and how it contributes to the overall sound. Even if you're not a virtuoso violist and your friend can barely tap out a tune, you'd both do well to take heed of this example right now. The two of you are indispensable players when it comes to something that has important meaning in your lives. The trick is to figure out how exactly you can maximize the beautiful impact you will have without tooting your own horns.

All together now, "HUH?"

We definitely won't be doing this at Davis's first birthday party.

If I could change the world...

1. Electoral candidates may no longer say anything about their opponent. Their statements are usually false or exaggerated - and it makes sense - so it's no longer allowed. In fact, no political group can say anything bad about a candidate. They can advance their own candidate, but if there's anything bad to be said about a candidate, the media can do it independently.

2. Everyone must get a license to have children. If you don't get a license and get pregnant or get someone pregnant, you must immediately apply for a license and take the test. If you fail, your child will be removed and placed with competent, licensed parents. The test would include such questions as: Is it ok to leave your child alone in the car? Do children need food? Is it ok to hit your children? Is it ok to make your children sleep in cages? Is it ok to drop your children off a pier? ...and really shouldn't be that difficult.

3. After the age of 70, you must retake the driver's test every other year to keep your license. The whole thing - written, behind-the-wheel, vision, all of it. Look, you're 70, you can find a free day to take the test.

4. New initiative: all homeless people will be picked up and either sent to a treatment facility or taught a skill applicable to building houses: electric work, plumbing, hitting a nail with a hammer, etc. They will then be set to work building houses for homeless people. It all works itself out. This applies even to the tattoo-covered, pierced, able-bodied teenagers standing in the median in front of Wal-Mart.

5. New tax laws: If your household makes under 25k, you pay no taxes. Up to 50k, you pay 5%. Up to 100k, you pay 10%. Up to 150k, you pay 15%. Up to 200k, you pay 20%. Over 200k, you pay 25%. Everyone fills out an EZ. No deductions. No write-offs. No credits. No loopholes. Sorry. Just pay your darn taxes so we can have decent schools, and pay for my homeless initiative.

Ok, aside from politics, aside from everything, I have compared the two candidate's websites. There are a number of important differences, but here's the kicker for me: I would not vote for Kilgore for the following reason:

http://www.jerrykilgore.com/contents/biography/

Read the last paragraph:
Kilgore, 44, is a partner with the Richmond-based law firm of Williams Mullen and is married to a former public school teacher, Marty Kilgore. She served as Deputy Secretary of the Commonwealth under Governor Gilmore and as Executive Director of the Tobacco Settlement Foundation. The Kilgore's have two young children, Klarke and Kelsey.

...Not only did they misuse an apostrophe, but they named their son KLARKE? Are you kidding me? I wonder if the other kid's name is pronounced "Chelsea."

Idiots.

Say, "Cheese!"

Bored? Need something to do? Click here and fill out the form - all you have to provide is your name and email address - and report that you are offended by the VA license plate "BEOTCH" on a red BMW in the Charlottesville area.

Thanks.

I'm just...so...ARG.

Read this. And this, if you feel like it. She's an idiot. She writes at something resembling a 10th grade level, doesn't answer any of the questions, and leaves a lot of stuff out. For example, in response to:

27. Please describe your experience in the entire judicial selection process, from beginning to end (including circumstances which led to your nomination and the interviews in which you participated). List all interviews or communications you had with anyone in the Executive Office of the President or the Justice Department regarding this nomination, or any other judicial nomination for which you were considered, the dates of such interviews and communications, and all persons present or participating in such interviews or communications.

She responds with two shorts paragraphs that list two people she talked two, and four dates. She actually avoids names ("I was asked about..." and "individuals") and what she (ever so briefly) describes can't POSSIBLY be her "experience in the entire judicial selection process." No wonder the senators - even the Republicans - aren't quite satisfied with her answers.

The primary problem with the theory of evolution is that it cannot adequately explain 100% of current scientific observations. The primary problem facing intelligent design is that it cannot rightly be called a scientific theory. The central tenet of the ID argument is that the universe is the way that it appears to us because some entity, possessed of a measure of intelligence and incredible power, caused it to be that way on purpose. This argument cannot be called a theory because it makes no testable predictions. Even if it were proven to be true (which isn't possible, since proof implies a testable proposition), what good would that do? We'd still have to turn to the scientific method to discern the fundamental laws behind what we observe to be true. In other words, even if God created the universe, gravity still exists. If God created gravity, he must have created it with certain aspects which could only have been determined through scientific approaches.
Incidentally, it is on this same basis that many scientists dismiss string theory.

Are you kidding me?

Read these. Particularly, read the one on page 2 from Bush (if you can - he has awful handwriting). Read the P.S. If you don't know the word, go look it up. And say it with me: "Huh?"

How To Add 10-15 Seconds To Your Trivia Time:

Get questions like this:
My first is in fish but not in snail. My second is in rabbit but not in tail. My third is in up but not in down. My fourth is in tiara but not in crown. My fifth is in tree you plainly see. My whole a food for you and me. What Am I?

Oh, and have internet problems, so that when you click submit the first time, you get this:

Bad Request
Your browser sent a request that this server could not understand.

Stupid server.

I'm a cynic. Read this article. I don't believe a word of it.

How convenient that just as most Americans are starting to think we should pull out of Iraq, a letter from the al-Qaeda #2 guy (haven't we killed him like 4 times?) surfaces saying that that's exactly what they want us to do, and they hope we do it soon.

I'm also starting to think that the conservatives are pulling a Brer Rabbit on us with the whole Harriet Miers thing.

This article is great.

"We should recognize that what God really wants is for us just to stop learning."

Happy Birthday, JB!

So, what are you now, like, 40?

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I just created this LONG post about this:
-----------------
At least 31 states are taking steps to teach alternatives to evolution. A CBS poll last November found 65 percent of Americans favor teaching creationism as well as evolution while 37 percent want creationism taught instead of evolution.

Fifty-five percent of Americans believe God created humans in their present form, the poll found.
-----------------
And it's GONE. Blogger asked me to log in again, but didn't actually publish my post, and now it's GONE. GONE. And I don't have the patience to retype it all. Suffice it to say, I'm pissed.

Yeah, actually, the country is founded based on protecting the rights of the minority. I think James Madison said something about that in the Federalist Papers... And schools do not prevent discussion/arguments on religious topics, but the idea is, you can't FORCE someone to be subjected to a government sponsored/encouraged religion, which the pledge does. (The last time I checked, who discusses the pledge, anyway? Don't we just recite it like a bunch of retarded lemmings?) Anyway, the whole argument is retarded because that crap wasn't even added until 1954, so why not just tell Ike, Communism is over, we're not fighting "godless people" anymore.

Yes. We're a republic, not a democracy. You can't force the teacher (an adult who has been left out of your discussion) to recite a religious pledge.

/End Argument

Yes, these are children, who don't understand the difference between symbolic action and genuine faithful observance of religion. Thanks to the ruling, there's no chance that 9 western states will be able to teach those children how to tell the difference. We've swung to such an anti-religious extreme in this country that it's no longer politically correct to have substantive discussions about religious differences in public school. I find it pathetic that in a country which values freedom of speech and of religion that we would rather banish all traces of religion from our schools than teach students how to talk to each other about it. Shouldn't we be encouraging debate, not preventing the possibility of debate? Must we ask teachers, administrators, and even students to leave at home essential portions of themselves when they leave for school in the morning? Call me crazy, but that just seems un-American to me.

The first amendment prevents Congress from establishing a religion, but it also prevents Congress from preventing its free exercise. That same amendment also protects freedoms of speech, assembly, and petition. It does not say that any one of these rights is more important than the others. Does it make sense to resolve an apparent conflict of these freedoms to the satisfaction of a tiny minority of people, at the expense of the overwhelming majority?

Hm...not sure I agree with you, Scott. These are children we're talking about - can't trust that they understand the difference. And since reciting the pledge is mandatory (or is perceived by the student to be mandatory), I don't think the "under God" phrase should be in there. Seems like a pretty clear violation of the establishment clause. It's sort of the same reason that teachers in public schools can't teach religion in a mandatory course (and why "intelligent design" should NOT be taught in school) - they're an authority and a representative of the government, and school is mandatory - so you can't preach.

And really - how hard would it be to remove the words "under God"? Not hard. It flows just as well if you say "and to the republic for which it stands, one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."

You've got to be kidding me. This decision basically says that your freedom to express yourself ends as soon as anyone else is within range of hearing, lest you offend them. Any reasonable person can make a distinction between a genuine expression of religious faith and a symbolic expression of unity with one's fellow citizens. Those who cannot understand that should learn the difference (and we should be able to teach it in schools).

Just for the record, I think that we managed to surprise Scott at his surprise party.

I am now and officially certified PiMP. (Project Management Professional)

I have successfully completed the first step in my transformation into a lawyer....and possibly an adult....no, just a lawyer.
I got a 91 out of 150 on the Multistate Professional Responsibility Exam (MPRE). In Florida, you need an 80. My score, though not fantastic, is passing and that is all that matters.

Needless to say, I must drink.

Working 30 hours in a row is a blast!

RIP Gilligan

Reasons they call marriage an institution:
1. Getting into it requires commitment, and usually some paperwork.
2. Getting out requires professional help and can be very costly.
3. The longer you're in it, the more likely you are to stay.
4. You don't have to be insane to make it work while you're there, but it helps.

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the institution of marriage.

Quitcherbitchin.

My weeds are also growing out of control.

You don't want a dog.

The only thing worse than a dog is three dogs, which is what I've been taking care of since I've been back.

I have to feed each one separately and they all eat different things. It's the most annoying thing ever. It's like a logic puzzle every morning. Did I mention I only have two bowls but three dogs?

Last night and this morning they ALL shit all over the house. It smells terrible. Did I have time to clean it up this morning? No. So what's going to greet me when I get home from my shitty work at 9pm again? Huge piles of dog shit.

Alright.

Finally he posts...Of course, I'm posting out of anger.

1. My job is extremely stressful.
2. I am of questionable health.
3. People should really stop using checks at grocery stores. I want to strike them.
4. My job is extremely unrewarding.
5. I ache.
6. People wait for my light to change before crossing against the sign.
7. Tenants change locks without permission.
8. My weeds are growing out of control.
9. No dog, no 530i.
10. Dubya is still the president.
11. Being morally correct means controlling people, but not helping them.
12. Traffic.
13. I am NOT the Supreme Ruler of the Universe.
14. Walmart.
15. Someone else is getting these "increased salaries" that are being mentioned when they talk about housing prices.
16. It's in my nature not to complete projects.
17.
18.
19.
20.

Ciggarettes can cause cancer, which can kill you.

Alchohol can cause cirrhosis of the liver, which can kill you, but it makes for a wonderful pair of beer/alchohol/wine goggles and the rhythmically challenge deserving of dancer roles in the new Breakin' Movie.

Prostitution can cause an STD, GSW or Stab wound, which can kill you or hurt like hell for a very long time, but you get off.

Marijuana can cause cancer, which can kill you, but it is so much fun, who cares.

Riding a motorcycle can only kill you if you fatally crash your motorcycle into, say, a wall, car, another motorcycle, you become a victim of over-correction, or God decides to squish you with his finger. Otherwise, the chances of dying in a motorcycle accident parallels the chances of dying in a car accident. If the car in question was an SUV and you were on the motorcycle, your chances are dipped in your disfavor. Likewise, if the car in question was a Pinto, your chances are dipped in your disfavor, but with the added bonus of a great ball of fire.

Pornography has not killed anyone. Sure, it has caused some chaffing, a little carpal tunnel and an emabarassing couple of dinners with your girlfriend's parents, but death, however, no.

I say smoke, drink, snort, wack, ride, pop, shoot, inject, oggle, watch, eat and do whatever makes you feel good becuase none of these options are available in neither heaven or hell.

Always a twisted thought away,
The Urban Legend

Don't pick on my son. He'll get a full head of hair when he gets a full head of hair.

Let's not let this blog degenerate into a my-kid-is-cuter-than-your-kid contest, especially since it's clear my kid is the cutest. There's just no point in arguing.

Google image search: ugly baby

For lack of a better segue, I think we should agree now to avoid statements of the form, "Does your (son | daughter | nephew | [relation]) [insert ability or indication of developmental milestone here] yet?" Examples of forbidden questions abound, but here are a few:
Does your son have hair yet? (as noted above)
Does your daughter pee in a toilet yet?
Does your nephew walk yet?
Does your son/daughter/cousin/brother/sister/niece/nephew love Jesus yet? (this one really ticks me off)

He is very adorable, but hey - - - when is he gonna get some hair? Not that I can really speak as Jeffrey has none of his own either.

And since we're showing off...



Those are my two babies.

I just had to put this picture of my nephew up - I just noticed that Blogger made it easy to post photos. Isn't he adorable?

Bush will 'go on with life'

Defends refusal to meet protester
Sunday, August 14, 2005
KEN HERMAN
Cox News Service

CRAWFORD, Texas - President Bush, noting that lots of people want to talk to the president and "it's also important for me to go on with my life," on Saturday defended his decision not to meet with the grieving mom of a soldier killed in Iraq.

Bush said he is aware of the anti-war sentiments of Cindy Sheehan and others who have joined her protest near the Bush ranch.

"But whether it be here or in Washington or anywhere else, there's somebody who has got something to say to the president, that's part of the job," Bush said on the ranch. "And I think it's important for me to be thoughtful and sensitive to those who have got something to say."

"But," he added, "I think it's also important for me to go on with my life, to keep a balanced life."

So, seeing as how the blog has...well...withered, I thought I'd try to inspire some lively debate. Anyone who'd like to pose a question, take a poll, etc, is welcome to do so, but let me start with this:

Cigarettes, pornography, and alcohol are legal. Marijuana, prostitution, and riding a motorcycle without a helmet are not. Does this make any sense at all?

BOO! False Alarm.

YAY! The old blog is back!

Ha ha ha ha ha if no one can get to trivia, I win!

On behalf of my husband, let me apologize for screwing up the blog template...

It IS pretty, though...

-Mrs. B

How do I get to trivia? How do I know who published a certain comment? How do I know if he really loves me? I say a prayer with every heartbeat. When do I get my blog back? Astardsbay!

What the hell happened to the Blog! Astardsbay!

Oooh! An all-new crappy template, complete with annoying animation!

For those of you who wanted for view the ACLU memo but didn't get to see it before they took it down: click here.

On behalf of the ACLU, I'd like to say: Oops.

Uh...solo synchronized swimming? Huh?

This is fun. I think I can beat all of you :)

I finally found the link to this review of the opera my sister was in at the Aspen Music Festival in Denver, CO, this summer.

Happy Birthday, Margaret!

Fifteen minutes of fame for Genevieve.

I'm not sure if I was supposed to see that at work. oops!

Why The World Needs Men

To try things out for us.

For the record, I love appliances that are dressed in white. Further, if the appliance, dressed in white, can do the things that a woman can do, then I'LL TAKE IT!

Ahhh, I love it when irony kills.

Although true that the Formula One guy should be eradicated from humankind, he did describe the perfect woman for JB!

Wow. The Formula One boss needs to be fired. That's pretty much all there is.

Ex-Klansman found guilty of manslaughter in �64 slayings - Crime & Punishment - MSNBC.com

You can ignore the entire story except for the last paragraph on page 2. This is possibly the most ignorant statement I've ever seen.

John and I have now successfully been on The Diet for a week.

For the record, I've gained a pound and a half.

Sometimes, animal cruelty is funny.

Come on people, get a room. CNN.com - Sanitation problems for climbers - Jun 16, 2005

Things I have learned interning with the Navy:
1. Melingering - intentionally and willfully faking a mental illness for whatever reason

2. Consentual Sodomy - By unwed persons, penetration of the female sexual organ with another's tongue, finger, or any other body part or article used for penetration except the male sexual organ, insertion of the male sexual organ into another's mouth, penetration of the anus with tongue, finger, male sexual organ, or any other body part or article used for penetration with full and knowlegeable consent of all parties involved.

Both of these are crimes in the military. Interesting.....

As the resident Thinking Minority member in Florida, you all (you and John or you and Margaret) were supposed to call me so I could meet you all in Orlando - you have upset the Florida contingent of the Thinking Minority. In any event, it is Hurricane Season (the caps are deserved) and you should expect rain anytime, not to mention at 3pm every day. I hope you all enjoyed your conference. Since this is the closest you all would ever come to visiting me in Jacksonville, I am glad you all had a good time visiting me. Enjoy the rain!

One more thing: Has anyone else seen this commercial, where the jingle (repeated several times during the 15 seconds) is "You bet your sweet Aspercream"? All wrong.

Pretty typical. We finally take a trip to Florida and a tropical storm shows up. Last year the first named storm didn't happen until August 1.

So John and I are having the Great Debate - do we try to do Disney today, tomorrow, or save our free tickets for another time? They're good through the end of 2006. On the one hand, we could save the tickets for a day when we can spend the entire day, and it's not raining. On the other hand, so what if we don't get a whole day and it rains while we're there? The tickets were free. We welcome any input from the Thinking Minorities.

At least we got to do Universal Studios. The park was closed and only conference members and their guests could enter. All of the food and drinks were free, and the lines were pretty short (I'd say about 15 minutes on average - as opposed to HOURS) - basically, it was how a theme park SHOULD be.

Woohoo! I'm in Orlando! Flight was fine (on time, even), although - despite there being a lot of entirely empty rows on the plane, my (window) seat was next to two other people. An elderly couple, and the husband wanted to talk. Nice guy and all, but while the pilot was talking I got very engrossed in my book. I swear, his wife was rolling her eyes at him...

No mishaps to report - landed at 11:37PM (11 minutes early). They didn't lose my luggage; in fact, my suitcase was the third one to come out on the belt.

John picked me up in a very nice convertible and by the time we got back to the hotel my hair was a bees' nest. We went to bed and got up about 5 hours later to do a timeshare presentation. Fun! Actually, surprisingly enough, they were really low pressure - we got to the end, said no, and they let us leave. If we ever do buy a timeshare, it'll probably be here. AND, to top it off, we got free Disney tickets. Excellent.

That's all I have to report so far. John has been negligent with his Orlando blogging, so I'll try to make up for it. Oh, one more thing -

Orlando is HOT. And muggy. Walking feels like swimming. Or something.

I'm sitting in the hotel watching the Arnold TV-movie. Maybe Californians just got swept up in the moment? Who knows?

Charlottesville is hot - I'm sure not quite as hot, but hot. It's also not nearly as fun. Hard choice, but I think I'd pick Orlando today. Especially if I could leave the kids in Charlottesville. That sounds really weird - "kids". OK I'm rambling. Maybe I should try to sleep. Wait I've got 2 children at home, sleep what's that.

Enjoy Orlando for me.

Orlando is hot. Very hot. Fun though.

Congrats Margaret. What a way to show up the others in your first few weeks of work. Keep at it and you might even reach halfway through S.

Ladies and Gentlemen:

I have been given the letter R.

Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring....

Very professional.

After a wondermous two-week vacation that included stops in Kennebunk and Kennebunkport, Maine (yes two separately joined cities), Plymouth, New Hampshire, Boston, Cambridge and Somerset, Mass. (forgot how to spell that state), Baltimore, Maryland, Random Places in Northern Virginia, and Charlottesville, Virginia I am ready for a few days of rest and sobriety. However, that will not happen because I failed my first class ever in life - Criminal Procedure. That's right. An "F." An "O say can you see" the big F-ing "F!" Naturally, we celebrated my new academic low with a game of drink-every-time-the-drill-sergeant-cursed-in-full-metal-jacket. Ten beers in 45 minutes later, I randomly called many people. If I called you - I'm sorry (insert pouty sad face here). Then I had a three hour long conversation with my ex-girlfriend most of which I do not remember, but I am sure she will.

I called the professor and discovered that I used the wrong student grading number and so he failed the correct number given him by the registrar. He said my grade will definitely change and at this point, any other grade will be an improvement.

I also discovered that I have many things planned for this wedding/memorial day weekend. We, the wedding partiers, have been challenged to top and $3800 open bar tab to which I responded, "YES! I ACCEPT!"

I also learned that my externship starts next week (June 1st), however no one knows where I am assigned or who I am to report to either. This will undoubtedly make for an interesting first day. So, if you hear about a man in a suit that was shot by the navy because he was wondering aimlessly around their base and mumbling words like, "I'm an extern" and "So is your old man!", then you can be proud in knowing that you know me and then saddened by the same fact.

So to all of those who bed me, fed me, drank with me, undressed me (with or without your hands or eyes), listened to me, talked to me, talked at me, laughed at me, yelled obscenities with me, danced with me (big gay dance party participants), porned me, sang with me, counseled me, pointed at me, waved at me, drove me, flew me, walked me and said nice things to me when I bumped my bead on the bottom step - a big fat THANX!

Actually, here are the pics.

Why did it take me so long to post this? I've been meaning to since...well, since Meghan posted. But I am too lazy to go to my email, find the email with the photo link, copy it, and then go to blogger.com and enter my username and password, apparently. Which may also be why I don't post that much in the first place. Sorry.

For those of you who have not met the newest "member" of the Blog, here are some pictures of little Jeffrey Anderson - or as Mr. Baxton insists on calling him -- Jefe.

OK - in the past two nights I think I've gotten a total of about 5 hours of sleep. That's not consecutive either. It seems that Jeffrey thinks he's supposed to sleep all day and stay up all night. In my sleep deprived state I have not given him a proper introduction to the Blog (although I thought about it at 3 AM last night). Thanks John for giving everyone the lowdown on Jeff's arrival. I'm going to try and sleep a few minutes now - wait Erin needs something. Well maybe not.

I would like to welcome our newest blog member, Jeffrey Anderson Wallace or "Jefe". I'm sure that for at least the next few years he'll keep up his parents' tradition of ignoring the blog. In any case, it's been a big month of extractions, some exciting and some not so great.

So, today was my last day at Kaplan. It was a little emotional - I wasn't leaving because I hated the job or anything, and my manager has become a good friend. The new job is going to be great, and I'm still going to hang out with Katie, but still - I really liked the job (and the power I had in that office), so leaving it was a little emotional.

(I have a feeling any men reading this are going "Huh?" and any women reading this might have a clue what I'm talking about.)

Anyway, so the drive home was crappy. Bad traffic, stopped at every light, some weird accident at Hydraulic Rd or something. Finally got home, carrying all of my office possessions, exhausted, and needing a drink. Got upstairs, said hello to my husband, and his reply was... "Hmph."

He is having some complications with his wisdom teeth removal. He thinks it's dry sockets or sinus related complications or something. It's a decidedly "Blech" day in the Baxton household.

Thank God It's Friday.

It's 5:30 AM. I have a cold of some sort. My throat hurts. I'm wearing a maxipad around my head. I'm going to work this morning. I haven't properly brushed my teeth in 2 days.

1. Why is John wearing a Maxi Pad?

2. Completely unrelated to number one, I have read many constitutional arguments in my three years in law school and, I must say, I have come across a truly lovely statement on constitutional law.

It has long since become an established rule of constitutional law in these United States that power and discretion, however exerted, and by whomsoever exercised, must be used in such a manner not to infringe upon or impair the fundamental rights of life, liberty, property, and the pursuit of happiness. The very idea that one man may be compelled to hold his life, business, property, means of living, or any material thing essential to his enjoyment of life, at the mere will of another, is intolerable to any country where freedom prevails, and is the very essence of slavery itself.

Yick Wo v. Hopkins 118 U.S. 356

3. It is only sad because I see myself leaving myself in that these are the things that excite me.

I'm really hating blogger this week. I tried for 20 minutes to use their little thingy to post pictures, but it didn't work. Parental Guidance Advised.

The naked tuth:

Last night sucked.

It's interesting that JB called it [below] a maxipad because it is now...well...bloody. I spent half of last night awake salivating and since I couldn't swallow while sleeping, I was either drooling or spitting. To top it all off, the doctor's office gave us a call at 8:15 to see how I was doing. While I appreciate this call, Margaret didn't. Apparently they missed the memo.

At about 2:15 I found myself in front of Alderman Library. As usual, it was "unexpectedly" crowded. A good time was had by all. This event was followed by beers at Baja Bean.

I can't drink.

...and I'm beginning to swell.

This morning I prayed. Yes, prayed. A strange man and two strange women were pricking me with a needle, struggling to find the right place to prick.

Luckily, I woke up.

Here I am now, praying that my wife's agonizing experience with her wisdom teeth removal recovery will somehow allow me to be excused from things like separation from solid food, hellish oral agony, and of course, dry sockets. The first wish has already escaped me.

I'll be back tomorrow with an update on my status.

Crap, I just realized that there's an apple pie in my fridge and ice cream in my freezer. Depression has set in.

JB, your post was so full of grammatical mistakes and misspellings that I thought maybe you were just trying to entice me to post, just to correct you. Then I thought maybe you were drinking while typing. Then I thought maybe I was just a jerk for even noticing and wanting to correct you. Then I thought that since you know about my little disability, my first thought was probably correct, and you were just provoking me. But then I thought that since I know you pretty well, my second thought was probably correct. Then I got confused.

JB will be here soon!

My brain hurts.

Ladies, Gentlemen, Bloggers!

We have cycled around to that time again. That time when I must, as your faithful, hardworking Maharaja, present The State of The Blog Address.

As the competition for Trivia Champion approaches it's boiling point, the interest in blogging approaches its freezing point. We as bloggers must fight our ADD tendencies. The grass is not greener. The pie is not sweeter. And that shiny things is really just the reflection of the sun on broken glass. Hear me, dare I say, and listen. Our precious blog is dying and only you can save it.

Trivia is a wonderful thing, but it is the blog that has gotten us here. Here to this trivial pursuit of academic prestige. I challenge each of you. To a dual, you say? No. To a pie eating contest, you say? No. To a race perhaps. No. I challenge each of your to blog. Throughout history, wars have been successful in stimulating economies and challenges have been successful in stimulating blogs (tradition has to start somewhere).

As I close, I leave you with one thing. BLOG!!!!

God bless you, these united States, and the omnipotent blog.

"..........................from sea to shining sea..................."

This blog is becomingstagnant.

Duck Cheney has been moved to a secure, disclosed, off-site location.
Key quote: The duck acquired several nicknames from Treasury workers and other people passing by the building. Names included "Quacks Reform," "T-Bill" and "Duck Cheney."
I still prefer "Mr. Waddlesworth."