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Friday, June 30, 2006
Osama bin Laden wants the US to release al-Zarqawi's body so al-Zarqawi can be buried. I say, let's release the body -- but only if Osama comes to pick it up in person.
Saturday, June 24, 2006
It's been almost a week back from Boston and I didn't blog at all while there. That's kinda sad because I had lots of things to say.

For starters, "Boston...where you can see it, but 'you can't get there from here.'"

Quote of the week: "If you want me to stick it somewhere else, you have to tell me where to put it." - "It" is a file...a well delivered file if you ask me.

Since I hate flying so much, having DirecTV on the flight was pretty nice. Well, there was one exception. In the mddle of watching some dumb show on MTV (which pretty much means any show), the commmercial for Superman played. A plane gets blown to bits in the commmercial. Not cool. Not cool.

No one in Boston expects people to get off of the elevator when it opens. That's got to be it. I mean, why else would you try to walk into the elevator as soon as it opened. Maybe you should think about why the elevator took so long to get down to you.

If you try to order canolli at this one place, you'll get asked if you want it "for here or to go." "For here" means that you shouldn't have bothered waiting to order. You can't place the order at the counter. No, even if Rob ordered to go and is now sitting at a table, you can't do it. #$#&!@!!

In some places, there are no traffic lanes. While this could work out well for someone like me, most people from the Ville would just come to a complete stop and have a meltdown. I mean, they're always at a complete stop anyway...

There were approximately 10 ways to get to the convention center from our hotel (by major roads). The bus company failed to pass the "good route" map along to the drivers (in all fairness, these people had come in from NH and CT because the Boston drivers were on strike).

There are lots of strikes in Boston...and lots of people. It's crowded. Don't move there if you value personal space, separate dwellings, or smoky bars...wait, I liked that part.

I sang a lot. A whole lot. Monday, Tuesday, Thursday (not that anyone wanted to hear me over Train, but I couldn't help it...I was drunk) and Friday. On Friday, I got to sing with a few of the guys from Firedrill. They even let me solo a couple of songs. Pretty tight group. Every once in a while, I miss those a cappella days. Hmm, I guess that's actually the second time I sang a cappella this month.

Of course, I learned a great deal about the new version of SharePoint. Why would anyone want to learn about SharePoint? It pays the mortgage and allows you to go to cool places...where your friends live...for free. Your friends don't live there for free, but you get to go...for free. You understood the first time.

Oh and thanks again to Rob. Good times indeed.

Well, I'm only writing because it's very late and I wasn't in a sleeping mood. Now I'm in a sleeping mood...
Thursday, June 22, 2006

I'm wondering if it's time to go home for the day. I mean, I can't really breathe through my nose, my computer is turning into a brick (I've had to make real efforts to post this), and one of the batteries in my wireless mouse exploded. Any thoughts?
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Starting today, I propose that for every blog you read, you must leave a comment. Just so we can see that we are reading the blogs AND the comments will surely lead to dialogue. Then agan, no one but the three of reads the blog anyway, so I guess I could just im you all. eh.

Find crazy people amusing?

Click here - it's the best website I've found about dining experiences in Charlottesville. Then click on the bright red link at the top - the conversation. It's...amusing.

Disclaimer: Fred is a friend, and is not insane.
Monday, June 19, 2006
What I Have Learned About The Internet

If you can think of it...

..there's a website about it.
So today was Judge Trial Day in front of Judge B. (or as they tell me a slow guilty plea). First a little background. If a case has made it this far, several things may or may not have happened:
1. The Public Defender's Office (hereinafter we) has had no contact with the defendant
2. The State's Attorney (The State or other fun names) will not budge on a really bad offer
3. The defendant turns down every offer from the state, or
4. The defendant swears on his/her innocence (9.9/10 a bad move)

Today, was one of those days where the only contact I had with the defendant was him telling me that he was in California and would not be in court. So, I am completely unprepared to try this case. In fact, I haven't even read the file. I hadn't read the file because I didn't know the case existed because it wasn't my case - his attorney was on vacation the week before trial. His original attorney hadn't read the file in at least a week. We were in quite the pickle, Dick.

I filed a motion to continue knowing that the judge would address the motion in court instead of on Friday (the last working day before court). He addressed the motion and denied it. Not to end there, he also ordered me out of the courtroom to prepare myself for a trial that will start at 1pm (it was 11 am). Panicked, I went back to the office and freaked the hell out! When I calmed down (30 seconds later), I met the defendant, who decided to show up after all and late to boot, pretty much told him to prepare for at least three months in jail and made him go buy clothes for court. Since my client was HUGE he could not find his size and showed up to court 15 minutes late. Being very generous not to issue a capias and be done with it all, the judge still held the trial that I was still not prepared for because I had nothing. NOTHING! Some people say they have nothing, but they have one last ditch effort or idea. I had nothing and then I had nothing more. I went to the court reporter to order a transcript and she did everything but laugh at me because, apparently, that takes weeks.

Then came the trial. It's really all a blur and I have had several beers since I started typing, but I won. Somehow in my unpreparedness, I managed to create some doubt in the Judge's mind and he found my really huge client - not guilty. In short, I won my first trial. Holy Shit! That just sunk in. Sweet!

Anyhoo, that was today. I have jail plea day tomorrow and well.....
Friday, June 16, 2006
True story and my most recent away message (shows how much YOU im me).

"What are these?" The young, eager attorney asked with a smile, "Oh these!" came the reply, "These are your cases. Your clients." With a smile on his face, the wind at his back and a song in his heart, "Do I call them?" "No, you wait for them to call you." was the retort wrapped around the snicker heard down the hall in every office and surely in the courthouse. Determined not to lose his ambition to save the poor one case at a time, "What if they don't call?" It was then that he learned three things as his stare of curiosity was met with a stare of ambiguity. The lessons: 1. He had no idea how to be an attorney; 2. he was not getting an answer; and 3. welcome to the public defender's office. As the more experienced attorney left the office, the youngling thought, "Is it too late to fail a class and stay in school another year?"

The away message before that was just weird:

They tell me that I am a defense attorney as they hand me a knife and a bag of potatoes. Don't look for logic and it will find you. Look for logic and it will hit you over the head with a bag of potatoes.

Do you have any funny, weird, interesting, a combination of the six, away messages. Share them with us for a prize!
Thursday, June 15, 2006
This is in response to the 07 June posting. Sure, I could have added this to the comments, but, on the off chance that someone besides Mr., Mrs. and JB reads this blog, I would like many people to have a shot at this one.

I wouldn't necessarily say she is evil. She is telling the truth even she speaks only of a minority of the widowed group. Just as there are people who misused the funds FEMA handed out to assist Katrina victims, it will be illogical to think that all 911 victims are using their settlement monies appropriately. The problem with that argument, however, is, what is an appropriate definition for "appropriate usage?"
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
If you haven't read this you should. If you have read this, you should read it again.

Jelani A. Berry
Assistant Public Defender
First Judicial Circuit

1-A 9th Avenue
Shalimar Florida 32579
ph: 850.651.7369
fax: 850.651.7356

To: former Floridians, current Floridians, future Floridians, and/or those who know a Floridian.

We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season. Any day now, you're going to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to some radar blob out in the Gulf of Mexico and making two basic meteorological points:
(1) There is no need to panic.
(2) We could all be killed.
Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Florida. If you're new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one." Based on our experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness plan:
STEP 1. Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least three days.
STEP 2. Put these supplies into your car.
STEP 3. Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Thanksgiving.
Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in Florida.
So we'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:
HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE: If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance. Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets two basic requirements:
(1) It is reasonably well-built, and
(2) It is located in Nebraska.
Unfortunately, if your home is located in Florida, or any other area that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance business in the first place (but remember, you “are in good hands”).
So you'll have to scrounge around for an insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to the replacement value of your house. At any moment, “like a good neighbor”, this company can drop you like used dental floss.
Since Hurricane Andrew, I have had an estimated 27 different home-insurance companies. This week, I'm covered by the Bob and Big Stan’s Insurance Company, under a policy which states that, in addition to my premium, Bob and Big Stan are entitled, on demand, to my kidneys – but I am “in good hands”.
SHUTTERS: Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all the doors, and -- if it's a major hurricane -- all the toilets. There are several types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages.
Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them yourself, they're cheap. The disadvantage is that, because you make them yourself, they will fall off.
Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well, once you get them all up. The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December.
Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will have to sell your house to pay for them.
"Hurricane-proof'' windows: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because the salesman says so. He lives in Nebraska.
"Hurricane Proofing Your Property: As the hurricane approaches, check your yard for movable objects like barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture, visiting relatives, etc. You should, as a precaution, throw these items into your swimming pool (if you don't have a swimming pool, you should have one built immediately). Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects into deadly missiles.
EVACUATION ROUTE: If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your driver's license; if it says "Florida" you live in a low-lying area.) The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along with two hundred thousand other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.
HURRICANE SUPPLIES: If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy them now! Florida tradition requires that you wait until the last possible minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM.
In addition to food and water, you will need the following supplies:
23 flashlights. At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the power goes out, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.
Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the bleach is for. But it's traditional, so GET some!)
A 55-gallon drum of underarm deodorant.
A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a hurricane, but it looks cool.)
A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask anybody who went through Andrew; after the hurricane, there WILL be irate alligators.)
$35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.
Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers standing right next to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean.
Good luck and remember: it's great living in paradise! Those of you who aren't here yet you should come. Really
Beantown, cont'd

Tuesday was great - Oh Bee Juan had conference stuff all day, but I got to walk around Boston. The people here are interesting. Busy all the time - like your stereotypical Northerner, I guess - but not rude, and not very personable at first, but very friendly once you're in a conversation. Anyway, I did some reading and some walking around, window-shopped, and found some restaurants. Then last night we met up with Rob & his sister for dinner and karaoke. Yes, karaoke. The quality of the karaoke was pretty high, but Oh Bee Juan still blew everyone else away. Oh, and the Sox lost, and Miami won. %$#& Dallas.

After karaoke, we stopped by this open-mic jam thingy at Avalon. I got hit on three times while Oh Bee Juan was onstage. Par for the course when the crowd is only 10% female (at most), I suppose.

We were out pretty late last night, so I slept in today - by the way, the bed in this hotel is fantastic. Really fluffy - down pillows, down comforter, and a really THICK mattress topper that I think is down. It's just fantastic. I was going to go to the MFA today but it turns out it's not free all day - only in the evening. I'll see if Oh Bee Juan wants to go tonight. I'll be honest, I'm really just enjoying sleeping in and reading and walking around and not really having a schedule!
Monday, June 12, 2006
Welcome to Beantown

Well, I still don't know why it's called Beantown, or exactly why there are artfully decorated cows everywhere, but we're in Boston! We had a short and uneventful plane trip, during which we learned that JetBlue is the best airline ever. Seriously. The plane only had two seats on each side of the aisle (which makes SO MUCH MORE SENSE than having three), and we had a lot more legroom than on USAir or United - it doesn't seem like much, but I'd bet we had at least 5 more inches of legroom, which makes all the difference in the world. Each seat has its own little screen for movies and TV, and there's satellite TV with 40 channels or something. Easy check-in, nice staff, everything was great.

Our friend and fellow blog member Rob picked us up from the airport and took us to a great diner for breakfast, then gave us a driving tour of the city. Then we went and walked around Harvard and took some pictures. Went to a used bookstore run by a very nice (but slightly crazy) man and had our pictures taken in front of Dewey, Cheetham, & Howe (the Cartalk guys' office). We had calamari and drinks at John Harvard's - Oh Bee Juan and Rob each had 5 beers at 2 o'clock in the afternoon.

Ok, each of the beers was only 3 oz...

When we got back in the car, I passed the hell out. I don' t know why flying is so exhausting, but it is. Maybe it's just travel in general. So Oh Bee Juan and I went back to the hotel with the intention of resting, but I spent 2 hours on the phone with USAir. Don't ask.

We got groceries across the street so that we have snacks and some lunches in the room, and then Rob came by the hotel and we all had dinner at a little pizza place around the corner. Then we got on the T (that's Bostonian for "the train") and went to the Green stop (on the Orange line) to visit an old (okay, not that old) avp guy. Had a good time, and caught the last T - er, train - back to the hotel at midnight.

Oh Bee Juan got up this morning and went to conference stuff, but I got to sleep in! Got up and took a cab to the airport to finish our business with USAir. Again, don't ask. Took a cab back to the hotel, and the cabbie very helpfully told me that the Museum of Fine Arts is free on Wednesdays. I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do this week - I'll probably go to the aquarium, and the Museum of Fine Arts, and maybe the Gardner Museum. There's also the Science Museum, and lots of stuff to just walk around and take pictures of and enjoy the scenery. There's a Train concert at Fenway park on Thursday night. It's going to be a fun week!
Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Wow, I could be wrong, but then she could just be totally evil.
WP: Bathroom breaks vs. grades? - Highlights -

WTF. I haven't seen this level of bullshit since...wait...this is par for the course.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Well, Z buried this in the comments, but it deserves its own blog entry.

Baby's named a bad, bad thing..