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Sunday, May 28, 2006
It's 85 degrees upstairs. Boy, I'm pissed.
Hurrican season is coming: Try to have a clue.
Jesus Christ, people, come on. How about Sarah, or Julia, or Elizabeth?

Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt
Friday, May 26, 2006
The short guy. - Judge: Sex offender too short for prison - May 26, 2006

Thursday, May 25, 2006

I just saw James Brown. C'est raison (actually I mean c'est ça ou c'est juste, but I was confused because tu as raison means 'you are right"... f'in French), James Brown. There's absolutely no possibility of seeing James Brown and not having some comments.

...James said lots of stuff we didn't understand.
...James mentioned something about his erection or his manhood before "Sex Machine." Twice.
...The show was an hour and a half long.
...They mistook OUR state for "West Virginia." We booed in typical "Virginia" fashion. I booed at a James Brown concert. I'm ashamed. I also "got up off of that thing."
...I drove through WVa once for a conference with a bus full of black people once. A "West Virginian" asked if we were a "basketball team."
...At least they said they were in "Charlottesville." Maybe they thought it was Charleston?
...I believe James Brown is from Macon, where "You ain't from around here..."
...A woman at Rapture said, "They don't call him the Grandfather of Soul for nothing!"
...Smacking the woman at Rapture would have been a cliche.
...James Brown is old.
..."Armeggedon the Musical" is inferior.
...James Brown is old.
...Seeing James Brown in his 70's might be like seeing Jordan with the Wizards. So he didn't win a championship with them, it's f'in Jordan man.
...There were no splits.
...There were 10 people in the band, 4 backup singers, 1 "guest" singer with very red hair, 2 Soul Train dancers (ex-Laker Girls), and 3 other random guys. That makes 21 people on stage at the height of the show.
...Man, he's old.
...He didn't not perform "The Payback."
...Can I count it off?
...Germans LOVE David Hasselhoff.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
For those of you who don't have time to watch the American Idol finale tonight, not to worry - I'm here for you! I'll keep you updated. It's almost as good as TiVo!

Here we go...

The 2-hour season finale? Seriously? It’s not one hour – it’s two? Jesus Christ.

Hm, no intro to the show, just Carrie. And Taylor. Gee, way to broadcast the results, guys. Show last year’s winner, then this year’s. Good job. Oh yeah, and there’s Kat. Whatever.

Am I a bad person for not liking Katharine? I even hate the way she spells her name. I know, I’m a bad person.

Weird, segment one of the AI finals, and no Ryan at all. Was he in the potty when they got started?

There’s Ryan! Gee, he could’ve shaved. This is the Big Night and all.

Ben Stiller and Heather Locklear! Are they dating or something? Wasn’t she dating David Spade? Can’t she do better than that?

Do we really need to meet the judges again at this point? Yes, Randy says “dude” a lot. And Paula is an emotional drunkard, and Simon is a jerk. A jerk who really likes his own lips. And is sporting a nice jacket, a sharp shirt, and a lot of chest hair tonight.

Soul patrol! McPheever! Drink!

Ahh, the hot twins. Hi, hot twins. How are you doing? Nice to see you, hot twins.

Paris. Nice. Ok. I don’t really have anything to say about this.

Ooh, I just can’t wait to see “So you think you can dance” – and not only because it lacks any punctuation.

Chris and Live. Interesting, two bald lead singers. How will we tell them apart?

Ha, Ryan just said “which is which?” Ha.

Ryan is making fun of Kellie Pickler. This is GREAT. Puck and Pickler. I love it.
Okay, the segment isn’t that funny. Mostly…just…sad. Yes, Kellie, glasses will make everyone take you seriously. Eat your ESS-CAR-GOTTEE and be quiet.

Wow, Meatloaf sounds awful. And, quite franky, looks awful. Standing next to Kat doesn’t help him. And his being a complete melodramatic freak doesn’t help either. He looks like he might kill Kat. Run, Kat, Run!!

Am I the only woman who is NOT reassured by the Dove commercials with the flabby pasty women?

Golden Idols? Ha. Way to fill 2 hours, guys.

Best Female Vocalist – remember that awful blond tan thing with the bad fake tan? She was really bad. She learned her awfulness from her mom. Her mom should be sterilized. Sorry. I’m a bad person.

Best Male vocalist – BUT THEY LET THAT FREAK THROUGH TO HOLLYWOOD. SERIOUSLY. WHAT THE HELL?? How surprising, he showed up to accept the award. WHAT A FREAK. QUICK, CUT TO COMMERCIAL.

Puck and Pickler again. Pickler is an idiot. Boil that damn lobster and put it on a plate, please. Actually, if you don’t have any plates, that’s fine. Gimme.

Okay, all the guys are performing. You know, these 5 would make a great boy band. The rocker, the kid, the hick, the pretty boy, the good singer. Perfect. Man. Seeing all these guys together just reminds you how incredibly young Kevin is. Poor little guy.

The AI videos are stupid. Although Taylor does move like a parrot.

A free Mustang convertible. Who cares? Tell us who won!!

Another Golden Idol. Proudest family moment. Awww. Clearly Elliot’s mom has to win this one. She made me cry! I mean, she made people cry. Other people. Not me. And McPhee’s dad is a big sap that no man could possibly respect. And Chris’s wife lost me with the “like” in “because he’s, like, given me and my kids so much.” Woohoo for Elliot’s mom!

Elliot is singing “One” – I love this song! This is great! Yeah for violins! Wait, is U2 about to sing? Seriously? They got U2?

No, they got Mary J Blige. Uh, ok. Whatever. This sucks. What the hell is wrong with her? Take off those stupid glasses and quit ruining this song.

Carrie Underwood at least has the sense to not roll around on the floor when she doesn’t want to stand the whole time. Blah, blah, country, blah blah.

Um, what is wrong with Toni Braxton? Seriously? Is anyone else seeing this? Is she singing? What’s wrong with her? Is she too busy lusting after Taylor to enunciate or project into the mic, or….what the hell? Boys and girls, don’t do drugs.

Girls’ song. Ha. W-O-M-A-N. They should NOT have chosen a song with spelling in it. Pickler looks uncomfortable.

Are they really letting the Clay wannabe sing? Wait, is that Elton? No, it’s Clay. Clay, looking like Peewee Herman. The Clay wannabe is in shock.

Okay, Lisa Tucker is really funny-looking. There, I said it. I’m a bad person.

Ha ha ha. Pussycat, pussycat. Poor Kevin.

Dione Warwick? I wonder if she knew she was going to be on this show.
I also wonder who’s had more to drink tonight, me or Paula. Oh, who am I kidding. I’m a lightweight.

Male bonding. It’s not as risqué as they make it sound. Okay, with this soundtrack, maybe it is. Aww, remember the Brokenote Mountain guys? That was funny. The first time.

I’m confused. Ryan said we were done with performances, that we were gonna have results. Then, with no introduction, Prince. Or whatever he’s called now. Is he our new American Idol? Hm. It seems like his two dancers had about 15 minutes before the show to work out their routine.

Results. For the love of God, just tell us that Taylor won and let us go to bed. We’re tired. We’re sick of singing. We’re a little tipsy. PLEASE, RYAN, PLEASE.

Wow, this is that guy's one chance to be on TV, to hand the envelope to Ryan, and he wears a checked shirt with a dotted tie? Really? Silly paper-pusher.

Of course it's Taylor. Hm. That was kind of anti-climatic. Wow, I still don't like Kat. I'm very glad she just lost. I'm a bad person.

Is that David Hasselhoff? Boy, they sandwiched Taylor's win between Prince and David Hasselhoff. Very nice.

Hm, Taylor did this song better last night. Oh well. Aww, he’s so nice, thanking everyone.

Well, that’s it. This show could’ve been about 15 seconds long, but we made it through 2 hours. Well done, everyone. It’s good to know that I’m not the only one with nothing to do on a Wednesday night. Goodnight!
WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT STREET CRED......'re talking about... OK, you're not talking about this.

(stolen shamelessly from Dave Barry's blog, because none of you read it)
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Poll Smoking

There's a poll currently in progress, related to my previous post about the accuracy of certain male-centered reporting. You can take the poll, and view the various results. Very interesting.

This week's Gene Weingarten poll (please choose the appropriate door):
Men 34 and Younger
Men 35 and Older
Women 34 and Younger
Women 35 and Older
Sunday, May 21, 2006
The first amendment is not, as it turns out, such a big deal.

From an AP article:
But he [Gonzales] added that the First Amendment right of a free press should not be absolute when it comes to national security. If the government's probe into the NSA leak turns up criminal activity, prosecutors have an "obligation to enforce the law."

What?? The attorney general doesn't think the first amendment is absolute? Really?

Let's take a moment and read the first amendment again:
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Seems pretty clear to me. If government officials leak classified information, then they have broken the law. Fine, prosecute them. But if a reporter finds out about classified information, then he has every right to publish it. I'm not saying he always should, or that it's always a good idea, or that he doesn't sometimes have a moral and ethical obligation NOT to publish it, but he has the right to publish it. The reporter hasn't broken any laws, the leaker has, and the publishing of that information is protected by the freedom of the press. Congress cannot make a law that abridges the freedom of the press, therefore there cannot be any "obligation to enforce the law" against reporters publishing news. Gonzales is an idiot.
So, I get the feeling that this is accurate, but I figured I'd double-check with the boys and see. 50-65? A dozen of which.....Really?
Thursday, May 18, 2006
The Body Odd

Click Here Fool
Wednesday, May 10, 2006

I just came to the realization that Johnny Drama's character is based on Donnie Wahlberg. Wow.

In any case,

The funniest thing happened coming into the office yesterday. As I walked up to the back door, I spied a squirrel with my bad eyes. I said, "Hey, Mr. Squirrel!" The squirrel attempted to jump up the glass repititively to get away from me. He was trapped.

Eventually, I let him out. It was funny and weird. I'm just glad he decided not to attack and give me rabies. They should make a movie about squirrels attacking. It would be much cuter than the movie about slugs...